7 Things Sunday

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’ll be spending my Valentine’s Day at The Des Moines Catholic Worker House feeding lots of friends with lots of friends. They say the way to people’s hearts is through their bellies soooo, it’s perfect. And last night I spent Galentine’s Day eating sushi and listening to some killer comediennes at Des Moines Social Club’s Second Annual Galentine’s Day All-Lady Lineup with some gal pals.

I hope that today you’re all feeling the love.

It’s been ungodly cold lately. Seriously. And blustery. I yearn for green grass, porching, freckles, and mojito season so very much. It’s important to have an arsenal of weapons for banishing winter blues when you live in Iowa. Here’s a list of my personal favorites…

One. Flower power. Because when everything around me is cold and dead, I need something happy and living.

Two. Sweat. I started taking hot yoga classes and I think this may be the thing of all things that has helped me survive the wretched winter. There is something about being in a 90 degree room for an hour and coming out drenched in sweat that detoxes the mind and body. But feel the burn however you prefer. 

Three. Books on books on books. When going outside is terrible, stay inside and read.

Four. Tea Time. If there was anything I learned from spending last year in the UK, it is that there is a strongly held belief that a cup of tea solves every problem. So, I’ve stocked myself silly. If you’ve never been, you should pay Gong Fu in the East Village a visit! My latest favorite Gong Fu tea is Scartlet Ginger. I’m not a fruity tea fan, but the ginger offsets it and I’m hooked. Pictured below is Fredrich’s ‘Wellness’ tea, which is particularly excellent if you’re suffering from a cold. Or suffering from the cold. 

Five. Start a project. I don’t know about you, but winter always feels like an inappropriately long waiting period. As in, I’m just waiting for it to be over. Starting something new keeps me busy and distracted from point A to B. I’ve always wanted to experiment with gold leaf and so I began incorporating it into a new painting. Hurray.

Six. Socks that rock. Good socks are crucial to keep those toes warm and comfy. I’m a fan of Smartwool. Personally, I think they’re totally worth the expense, but I ask for them at Christmas. You can wear them days on days without a wash and they don’t get stinky. I don’t know how it works, but it does.

Seven. Snuggle. Get the oxytocin flowing. I’ve been snuggling up with the Burbanks on Sunday evenings to watch all the Oscar Best Picture nominees.  Complete with Kesslers + Coke, popcorn, and twinkle lights. I know The Revenant is incredible, but Room won me over. Go see it! Or read it. 

Love, 

Taylor

Getting it

Do you ever say you’re going to do something and then notice that the universe seems to be holding you accountable to what you said you were going to do? All of the sudden you find yourself in those fight or flight situations.

There were three different times this week where I had to hear feedback from people about my weaknesses and every single time it more or less involved the use of my voice.

Say it. Don’t hold back. Figure it out. Say what you want. Be bold. Be brave. Be assertive. Fight for it. Don’t be so eager to please. Yeah, well thanks everyone for sharing your feedback, but all of that ^ is not in my nature. It makes me uncomfortable.It’s just not me. Sorry.

Oh. Damnit. You said you were going to be be fierce this year, remember? Right. Ok, maybe I should figure this out. Maybe there’s something here.

There is. Of course there is. While being outspoken and stubborn is not in my wheelhouse (I seriously doubt it ever will be), it isn’t because I don’t have opinions or want to share them. I know that I can improve on this without having to alter who I am as a person. I’m working on tailoring (or taylor-ing. baahaaha.) this to fit who I am. Being assertive requires a certain degree of confidence that I struggle to reach. And while I would say that I fit the stereotype of the girl who doesn’t know what she wants, I could argue that it’s less about uncertainty and more about having to actually think about it…and then get over the fear of being daring enough to say it. Because when you’re bold and brave with your words and it backfires, zipping the lip feels way more comfortable. I have a chronic fear of not being enough, you know? That sounds cliche and boo-hooey. I feel stupid even writing it. But it’s true. When it came to my most important relationship, I never felt like I could be or do enough. As if I was entered into a competition in which I was set up for failure from the start. When I used my voice, it didn’t make the difference I was hoping for. Maybe I was asking for too much, over reacting, or wanting something unrealistic. Maybe if my body were this, that, or the other thing, it would have worked. The liiiieeesss. The lies we tell ourselves. I don’t think I struggle with self image or confidence any more than the average woman, but from a distance looking back…I realise how much both of those things have taken a beating in the past few years and the fact that other people notice I’m holding back is a sign that something needs to change.

BUT I refuse to look for verbal or emotional affirmation from someone else. I’m going to take the high road. It’s going to come from knowing myself and He who makes me brave and gives me my worth. My growing and stretching capabilities will be on par with freaking Gumby. My body confidence level will be that of a Dove ad campaign. My mind to mouth connection will be as audacious as Mr. West. Work it harder, make it better, do it faster, makes us stronger. Take this, hataaaas. I’m done with hoping that someday I’ll be enough: successful enough, enough of a reason, desirable enough, fierce enough. Ew. Gross. What a stupid word. I’m just going to do away with it. Enough. It is time for some internal re-wiring. Rather than succumbing to an ounce of solo-mission blues, my first order of V-day business was to wear something that made me feel like a fox and dance around around my room to Motown. And it I was fierce awesome/beautiful/confident/happy/all those good things. Love, Taylor

7 Things Sunday

 

 

 

I hope that you all had happy hearts this week! I hate that couples take the cake on Valentine’s Day because really it’s just a day to overtly celebrate love. Anyone and everyone can do that. Think about or do the things that make your heart sing! Treat yo’self: to pedicures. To an extra piece. To a dance in your new underwear. To an hour of quiet. Make things: hats for people with cold heads. Drawings for people with naked fridges. Gluten-free cake for people with sensitive tummies. Tea for the friend who is sad. Give things: Nice words to people without smiles. Kisses and hugs to your grandma, boyfriend, kid or cat. Your precious time to the ignored or poor. Your prayers and thankful heart to the Creator. Remind people they aren’t alone. FYI: This week is Random Acts of Kindness Week! What a perfect way to extend the good love vibes.

It’s interesting to me how love is something so natural and yet I’m always learning more about what it actually is. What it actually means…what it looks like…how it feels. What I knew about love at 14 pales in comparison to what I know now. I wonder what I will know at 30 and 55. It makes me really excited to see how much I’ve learned but to know that I don’t know it all yet.  That there are bursts and depths of love that I have yet to experience. That there are people out there in the world that I will immensely love but have never even seen their faces. That there are places I will leave bits of my heart at, but have never been to. That there is room for my heart to grow and expand, but it has yet to be tested. Right now I’m learning about sad kinds of love. Or bittersweet kinds of love, at least. Love for what is lost and broken. Love for what is out of reach. Love in the midst of everything unknown. The handing over kind of love. The kind of love that rips you apart and holds you together at the same time. I think that’s the kind of love Jesus had. And that’s the kind of love I want to emulate, so maybe this is a good lesson. A good season of learning love.

7 Things I would tell my 14-year old self about love:

Hey you awkward little thing, you:

1. You think you are in love right now. I won’t say you aren’t. I won’t roll my eyes at you and speak of puppy love or whatever it is grown-ups talk about. I won’t tell you that you have no idea what you’re really feeling. I will validate the in-loveness, the euphoria of it all and the earth shattering feeling of when you get rejected. I was thinking about telling you to guard your heart better (as if this is something we all inherently know how to do) so that it doesn’t hurt as much when its over (and then over again) but no…no, don’t do that. Because later on it will just feel silly. In a good way. The kind of silly that makes you smile. The kind of silly that makes you happy you experienced what you did. You eventually forget the hurt and all that’s left is a whimsical, nostalgic kind of thing. I shouldn’t say you forget the hurt. It’s definitely memorable. But the dancing in the rain kind of stuff will be more in focus. We learn from heartache. Everything is a gift, even that part. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, “It’s a good thing; a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” So I guess what I’m saying is take it all in with everything you’ve got, but then let it be over. Don’t keep trying or desperately hoping for more. Let it be.

2. You’re really good at loving your friends. Love your family more. Friends will still mean everything to you. Friends will still be who you see the most on a daily basis. But don’t miss out on family. I wish I could tell you everything, but just trust me. The family thing gets much better and bigger and more lovely. So give them the quality time they deserve. Your presence is love. Its cliche, but they will literally have your back no matter what. They don’t change. They always love. They will be your sounding board in life.

3.  Sometimes love is making the decision that doesn’t seem loving. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to say, “no more.” I know you’ve had it drilled into your brain: love, forgive, love, forgive, love, forgive. But that doesn’t always look how you think it does. You’ll realize all the love and forgiveness you can give doesn’t change a person. And sometimes you end up enabling the bad things because you’re too scared of doing the wrong thing. You’re not a very brave person in that department. You don’t trust yourself very much. It makes me sad. But grace is key to who you are, so don’t change that. Just know that it’s okay. It’s okay to have a breaking point. And it’s okay to not know what God is teaching you before he teaches it to you. It’s okay to let go of whatever is hurting your heart and soul.

4. For goodness sakes, love yourself more. In order to love people well, you do truly need to be in a healthy place of loving oneself. At the end of the day, you are all you have. You have your mind, heart, soul, and body. Take care of it. Love it, with all it’s flaws and all it’s beauty. Love your body. Be outraged at the objectification of the female body. Stop trying to please everyone. It’s okay if people don’t think you’re the greatest or the prettiest. It’s okay if people don’t agree with you. Don’t burn yourself out. Listen to yourself. What do you need? Ok…now do that. It’s quite simple, really. You don’t have to go to that thing because that person will be disappointed if you’re not there. You don’t have to do every little thing someone asks of you. It’s okay to say you’re busy. It’s okay to say you need a night at home. Learn to be in tune with your gut. Sometimes you have to listen to yourself and to God and accept that someone you love might not understand.

5. God loves you, no matter what choices you make. There’s nothing you can do that will ruin His plan. He won’t see you as less of a good person if you do___. Your life isn’t going to be less full or blessed if you ___. You don’t worship a conditional God. No, really. You know this, but knowing it in your head is entirely different from knowing it in your heart. It’s a really hard thing to grasp–unconditional love. Maybe you’ll get it more if you become a mom someday. I don’t know. You definitely have a “gray” perspective. You’re really good at being accepting of everyone else and not being judgmental. You’re really good at knowing if Jesus is the Truth, you’re not…except when it comes to yourself. When it comes to your life, things are more black and white. It’s harder to believe that whole unconditional love thing for yourself than it is for everyone else. But you are, you are so radically loved and accepted just as you are. Don’t let anyone else taint your journey by comparing it to their own. And don’t do that to yourself. Live into what God has for you.

6. Sometimes love needs boundaries to keep hurt and confusion at bay. And then sometimes screw boundaries…love with abandon, my dear.

7. Some of the greatest loves of your life will not be boys. They’ll be the girlfriends who intensely know you and are your memory keepers. They’ll be the places and spaces that saw you through unforgettable seasons of life. They’ll be the children that light up your world and teach you to wonder. They’ll be the roles or vocations that allow you to live out love and purpose. They’ll be the women you look up to, the ones who blazed the trail before you and come back to walk you through it.

Love,

Taylor

 

 

Spread the Love

Most people make Valentine’s about going on a nice date and celebrating their love for a significant other through food, cards, and gifts.

Great. Beautiful. Do that.

But remember when we were kids and Valentine’s Day meant we got to make treats and cards and give them to everyone in our class? And then you would go home with your little card house and open each one (of course, carefully analyzing the pre-chosen message from the person you liked. “Have a ‘Super’ Valentine’s Day” is obviously platonic versus “You’re my kryptonite!”…right?!?), feeling great about life.

I like that better.

So, as our we’re reminded of “love” this month with seas of red and pink and commercials for Kay Jewelers, let’s think of unique ways we can show love to everyone. I know we are all busy people, but here are some small ways you can consider spending your lovely time.

– Love your community: Volunteer to cook a meal this month for your local shelter, Catholic Worker, or your neighbors.

–  Love your co-workers: Bring in coffee and donuts to share, write cards, or offer to clean someone’s office.

– Love your parents: Call and thank them for specific things they’ve done for you.

– Love your stranger: Buy the meal of the person behind you in the drive through, dedicate and perform a karaoke song to the guy alone at the bar, or knit something and give it away to someone.

– Love that couple who desperately needs a night out: Offer to babysit (for free)

– Love your planet: Buy a plot of rainforest, plant a tree, pick up trash on the highway, build a compost, install energy efficient light bulbs, etc.

– Love the love of your life: Spend a media-free evening together.

Go love and be loved.

Make these adorable Valentine’s banners with:

– Paint

– Pages from old books (or canvas cloth)

– Hemp string

– Paper doilies

-Hot glue gun

Love,
Taylor