2015: Fierce

Last year I wrote in this post about how my word/theme/mantra for 2014 was surrender and I then declared 2015: fierce.

This year was about trying to be more intentional, braver, sassier and unstoppable. It was about giving whatever was in front of me my best shot and fueling my yolo spirit.

One of my friends said, “After surrender, fierceness is what is required.” Surrender felt a lot like laying down and dying, so I grasped on to a word that felt like getting the fuck up and living.

Be fierce, Tay.

It helped that a lot of people knew about this because then everyone ended up holding me accountable to this kind of ridiculous word I was trying to emulate in my life. Thank God for my work friend Sarah (who is basically Grandmother Willow from Pocohantas) who consistently asked me how fierce I was feeling or what fierce thing I had done lately.

I learned that being fierce was a lot about

Giving myself permission:

Yes, you can say what you honestly think to that person. You are not responsible for how they take it.

Yes, you can go on a hiking trip with three random people you’ve never met.

Yes, you can walk away from this and not have to fix it.

Yes, you can make out with that handsome stranger at the pub.

Yes, you can travel. A lot. Even though you don’t really have any money.

 and being confident:

You tried something. So what if it didn’t work? That was brave.

You will finish this dissertation and get your Masters degree.

You totally pull off those overalls.

You can do this by yourself.

You can complete Whole30.

You deserve better.

 

and having a lot of fun:

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2016: expectant.

Love,

Taylor

 

 

 

 

 

2014: Surrender

At the beginning of this year, I was nannying for these two little gems:

I know. The cuteness is too much.

During this time my friend Hilary gifted me a daily meditation devotional titled, Surrender.

Most mornings I would make myself a cup of tea, set baby Lola in her rocker and read an excerpt out loud until she drifted into nap land. Also, my favorite quote happened to be, “Surrender to what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be,” by Sonia Ricotte. Due to the current events of my life at the time, the word surrender felt very fitting.

It became my word. My mantra. My prayer. My theme.

2014 became the year Taylor learned what it means to surrender. In some aspects, I didn’t have choice, and in others, I had to consciously choose to learn. I surrendered a 7-year relationship. I gave up a place I made home. I let go of certain hopes and dreams but yielded to others. I had to accept and become comfortable with a lot of unknowns. I relinquished control of what I could not change, and subsequently that meant enduring the most change I’ve ever experienced in 365 days.

If I were to summarize what I learned it would be this:

Surrender is equal parts freedom and defeat. There is a certain power and greatness in both. When I surrender to a higher power, I am no longer the center of my life and therefore I begin to see this power in everything and everyone. Sometimes it is impossible to have a plan and that is okay. And in all honesty, the stronger I realize I am capable of being, the more intense the desire becomes to just screw it all and have a breakdown.

So, 2014…(insert a string of expletives): You were hard. You were great. I’m glad you’re over.

What is my word for 2015?

Fierce.

You can laugh if you want. I am aware this is a word that is used to describe warriors, severe weather, lion cats and/or Beyonce. But I’m around a lot of Irish people and they use it as an adverb for “very” or “extremely” (ex: “She was fierce loud”).

So, this is the year I will be more intentional, braver, sassier, and unstoppable. I will love, work, and play fiercely. Give me all you got 2015. I’m ready for you.

Happy New Year, everyone.

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Love,

Taylor

Cheers to 2013

In 2013, I…

January

-Rang in the New Year with friends by gorging on chips, guacamole, and margaritas at Dos Rios and attempting to sing Auld Lang Syne very loudly

-Displayed my senior show at Grand View

February

-Clayton and I celebrated 6 years of being together by taking Cha-cha dancing lessons

-Emily and I dressed to the nines and attended the Des Moines Art Center’s Oscar Party, where we met a lot of interesting people

-My great-grandpa turned 90!

-I crashed the Filipino-American Association of Iowa’s Valentine’s Day celebration at Prairie Meadows

March

– My friend Sarah and I had a girls weekend and saw Sigur Ros in Minneapolis

-Clayton and I found out we were both accepted to graduate school in Scotland

April

-Clayton was the Easter Bunny for the third time at Gateway’s Eggs, Eggs, Everywhere Easter Egg Hunt. Always so much fun!

-I did a live painting at Gateway Church during the Easter Service

-I graduated from Grand View Summa Cum Laude. Booya.

May

-I started a summer of nannying for two very awesome kids. This included: berry picking, park hopping, swimming, crafts galore, science experiments, lemonade stands, tours of the art center/historical building/pella/science center/etc, movies, side walk chalking, milk boat racing, reading, etc.

-I volunteered putting on The Water Ride

-Went to a John Mark McMillan concert

 

June

– I experienced my first drag show

-Spent Father’s Day at an I-Cubs game

– I went to the farmer’s market a lot

-I visited my friend Andrew in Los Angeles where we went to art museums, a Dodger’s game, stand-up shows, and a Josh Groban concert. While in California, I also got to see the Kretzu family and eat burgers on the beach in front of an epic sunset.

-Clayton started his job as a Job Developer for Catholic Charities in the refugee department.

July

-I spent the 4th of July (turned 23) with my family in the Ozarks where we played games, ate too much, went boating, layed out, went down water slides, and hung out at a swim-up bar.

-Tried a go at Contra dancing

-Went to see The Lone Bellow and Brandi Carlile on the Riverfront

August

-I had the honor of being a groom’s girl for my friend Aaron. His wedding was one of the highlights of my summer, for sure.

-One weekend later Clayton and I both stood up in Colyn and Hilary’s wedding

– I saw T-SWIFT!!

 

September

– I was primarily unemployed this month so I did a lot of reading

– We moved into a new apartment

-We bought a used Prius and named it Miles

October

-Clayton and I celebrated 4 years of marriage

-We went to DC to visit graduate schools and stayed with our lovely friends, the Smiths. While in DC we went to a wine tasting, ate incredible ethnic foods, visited The Phillips Collection and walked to markets.

-Threw the 3rd annual 90’s Halloween party

-We briefly had a cat named Frieda. Tragically, Clayton is actually allergic. I can no longer live in denial. I miss her…even though we never really saw her because she was literally a-fraidy-cat.

November

-We spent Thanksgiving in Colorado with BOTH our families

-I went to my first NBA game

-Ugly Sweater Run

Decemeber

-Saw Peter Pan at the Des Moines Playhouse

-Had 7 family Christmases

-Spent lots of good quality time with friends back home for the holidays

Cheers, friends! I hope you all had lovely years. Here’s to 2014!

Love,

Taylor