Apologies

I’ve been volunteering at DMCW for 9 months now and when you’re a staff volunteer, you see the same people come through every week. First, you get to know names and faces. Then you learn things like how Stanley takes his coffee and how when Kim asks if you have noodles she means ramen noodles and nothing else. You learn that Jimmy prefers donations of black socks to white ones and that if anyone is mouthing off, Annie will most certainly have your back.

The longer I’m here, the more I learn not just about preferences and personalities, but about what happens on the other side of the street when our doors have closed for the day. I am only privy to seeing the tip of many icebergs, but it’s enough to keep me from living in comfortable ignorance of what lurks beneath the water where I float.

I can fill a plate, clean and bandage cuts, drive someone to detox, or offer my undivided attention and a hug. But all the love and good deeds in the world don’t change the fact that at the end of the day I’m the one sleeping inside when it’s below zero outside. I’m the one who can raid the fridge at night if my stomach is growling. I’m the one who can work. I’m the one with a car to take me to work. I’m the one who goes home to people who aren’t abusive or tweaking. What do I do with the privelege I carry as I attempt to live in solidarity with these nieghbors of mine?

 

There have been several times I’ve asked one of our guests a question, completely unprepared for where the conversation would go. Totally unaware that I just signed up to have my ears violated. I’ve had some real good sob sessions in my car lately as I drive and decompress from all the information I take in. I hate, hate, hate, HATE that most of the time all I can do is say, “I’m so sorry.”

I’m so sorry that your husband beat you until your eyes swelled shut and you could feel your mouth fill with blood.

I’m so sorry that you’ve been shot 9 times and can show me the scars scattered across your abdomen.

I’m so sorry that you’re finding it impossible to stay sober and it’s ruining everything.

I’m so sorry that 3 of your 4 sons died when they were just kids.

I’m so sorry that your fingers are frost bitten.

I’m so sorry that you were forced into prostitution and that you feel trapped and violated.

It feels like there are apologies constantly pumping through my bloodstream. All I know is that I cannot burn out, get cyncical, and angry. I cannot disengage. In this place where I live, contemplation and action are connected. Connecting to Love allows the community to stay engaged working for some semblance of peace and justice when the presence of pain is so thick and tangible. I believe this house is holy ground and these neighbors are immensely loved in the only way we know how: to show up, to see and listen, to stand together, and to know how they take their coffee.

God, I hope it’s felt and that it’s enough.

Love,

Taylor

P.S. I know this is kind of heavy, but I promise most of the time there’s a lot of joy and good vibes all around.

 

 

Waves

Shout out to Kanye West and Rob Bell, who inspired the following content with their individual creative genius. This is for all the people out there who currently find themselves in a season of life where they just can’t catch a break and have no f-ing clue what’s happening. Come. Join me in my little wave mantra.

 

I am getting pounded by waves. Waves never come alone. They come in sets. They pummel you, sending your whole body into a vicious spin cycle. Your muscles get tired. You can’t see what is happening. You can’t fill your lungs with precious gulps of air. You don’t know which way is up or down, left or right.

Waves don’t die. They’re ever present. But in the moment where you’re involuntarily forced underwater, you must remind yourself…

This moment is not all moments. The wave will come. It will pound me. It will pass over me. Then I will come up for air.

When you’re tossing and turning in every direction, you will want to thrash your body against the water. Your heart and mind will want to frantically conjure up all the worst case scenarios: What if I don’t make it? What if this doesn’t work out? What if I don’t have the money? What if I get rejected? What if this person doesn’t come through?

What if questions and worst case scenarios only add pound to the pummel. You are burning up energy that could be used to do the only thing that is helpful in a wave: Stay calm. Take care of yourself. Eat well. Sleep enough. Remind yourself…

THIS IS A WAVE.

This moment is not all moments. The wave will come. It will pound me. It will pass over me. Then I will come up for air.

Love,

Taylor

2015: Fierce

Last year I wrote in this post about how my word/theme/mantra for 2014 was surrender and I then declared 2015: fierce.

This year was about trying to be more intentional, braver, sassier and unstoppable. It was about giving whatever was in front of me my best shot and fueling my yolo spirit.

One of my friends said, “After surrender, fierceness is what is required.” Surrender felt a lot like laying down and dying, so I grasped on to a word that felt like getting the fuck up and living.

Be fierce, Tay.

It helped that a lot of people knew about this because then everyone ended up holding me accountable to this kind of ridiculous word I was trying to emulate in my life. Thank God for my work friend Sarah (who is basically Grandmother Willow from Pocohantas) who consistently asked me how fierce I was feeling or what fierce thing I had done lately.

I learned that being fierce was a lot about

Giving myself permission:

Yes, you can say what you honestly think to that person. You are not responsible for how they take it.

Yes, you can go on a hiking trip with three random people you’ve never met.

Yes, you can walk away from this and not have to fix it.

Yes, you can make out with that handsome stranger at the pub.

Yes, you can travel. A lot. Even though you don’t really have any money.

 and being confident:

You tried something. So what if it didn’t work? That was brave.

You will finish this dissertation and get your Masters degree.

You totally pull off those overalls.

You can do this by yourself.

You can complete Whole30.

You deserve better.

 

and having a lot of fun:

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2016: expectant.

Love,

Taylor

 

 

 

 

 

Inner|Outer

“If we give priority to the outer life, our inner life will be dark and scary. We will not know what to do with solitude. We will be deeply uncomfortable with self-examination, and we will have an increasingly short attention span for any kind of reflection. Even more seriously, our lives will lack integrity. Outwardly, we will need to project confidence, health and wholeness, while inwardly we may be filled with self-doubts, anxieties, self-pity, and old grudges. Yet we won’t know how to go into the inner rooms of the heart, see clearly what is there, and deal with it. In short, unless we put a priority on the inner life we turn ourselves into hypocrites.” – Timothy Keller, Prayer 

One of the things about being an internal processor is that it makes me more prone to over analysing everything. This was solidified last week when my counsellor said, “You process everything so well on you’re own that I’m not always even sure how to help you. Girl, you’re even good at therapy.” Can I get that skill endorsed on my Linkdin page? Ha. But really, this more or less constant state of self-reflection is something I like about myself and on the other hand, it also drives me f-ing crazy. While it involves being well-thought out and intentional, it also means that I have worried a great deal on the inside about how things appear on the outside. I have given priority to my outer life more times than I can count. After all, it’s what people see that matters, right? Honestly, would we be as content with our relationships, talents, humour, appearance, and thoughts if we didn’t post them and receive the instant gratification of it being liked, shared, and commented on? Do we alone attribute value to those aspects of our own lives, or is some part of their worth in the hands of those we share them with? I don’t know.

I can sit at my computer and write about how much I’ve grown since moving here, how much courage I’ve gained, how strong I feel, etc., and all of those are true to some degree because I have made efforts to prioritize my inner life, but they’re still simply projections. I’ve had to face the fact that what I project is where I want to be and/or where I think other people want me to be. However, that is usually not where I really am.

Facing where you really are involves moving out of your own way. I’ve had to be conscious of where my thoughts drift to when nothing is forcing me to think about anything in particular and I’m not looking at a screen. That tells me a lot. The whole world-turned-upside-down-type stuff that has happened in my life this past year has made the inner rooms of my heart a very hard place to frequent. When I’m down, I keep picturing Jillian Michaels in that 30 Day Shred workout video screaming, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!” That’s pretty much how it feels. Being on my own a lot…call it loneliness, call it solitude, has allowed me to see clearly what is there and I’m going to deal with it. The only thing that stands in the way of me getting to the place where my inside and outside match is me. As the brilliant Flannery O’Connor wrote in her prayer journal, “Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to…I do not know You God because I am in the way…I have started on a new phase of my spiritual life…the throwing off of certain adolescent habits and habits of mind. It does not take much to make us realize what fools we are, but the little it takes is long in coming. I see my ridiculous self by degrees.”

Reading that I thought, daaaamn that woman is honest. And then it hit me…

Being honest.

That is what has made going inward, seeing, and dealing so difficult. That’s what is uncomfortable. I have become even more conscious of honesty since being immersed in a culture that is generally put off by it. I have been learning how to be brutally honest in prayer. I find it weird. Unsettling. It takes practice. I have always gone about my conversations with God in a beautifully civil manner. Sure, I’ve prayed through a good sob session plenty of times but lately its gotten real real…you know what I mean? Angry. Pissed. Gutted. Destroyed. Lots and lots of expletives. My entire life I have been keeping myself composed in front of the one from whom I can hide nothing. I just didn’t get to experience the goodness that comes from brutal honesty until I moved out of my own way. Until I abandoned composure. Until I started identifying where I am really at, venting like its my job, and processing it all without an ounce of restraint in God’s presence.

Praying is something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. Although it is the most referenced and commonly shared practice among all faiths, I think that prayer/meditation is one of the most talked about and least understood things ever.  For me, the confusion lies in that prayer is one of the ways I most profoundly experience God’s presence, and yet it is what makes me most aware of God’s absence. Keller also writes,”Perhaps we are so used to being empty that we do not recognize the emptiness as such until we start to try to pray.” Perhaps it is that loneliness which fuels our hunger; a hunger that is eventually always satisfied because ultimately, prayer is communion with God and that reciprocal love is God’s greatest desire.

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. I’ve been doing my graduate placement at Inverleith House Gallery, which is a small contemporary art gallery located inside of The Royal Botanic Gardens (which as Spring approaches, I get continually more stoked about). I am currently conducting research into developing a patron funding scheme for the gallery, which has been a great experience so far and reminds me how small and networked the art world is. I find it really unique that this gallery is part of, yet still separate from the gardens. They often try to coordinate exhibitions that somehow relate to the nature around them, but I’ve had really interesting conversations with the staff around the struggle of being a house of contemporary visual art in the midst of botanical science, and the difficulty of communicating to visitors the correlation between the two. You’d be amazed at how irate people can be when they don’t “get” art.

Setting up for the Raoul De Keyser exhibition

Office bookshelves that I am obsessed with

Two. I’ve accepted a summer marketing and development internship with Art in Healthcare! AiH has a collection of 1400 contemporary artworks and use that collection to do site-specific commissions and rentals within the healthcare sector.  They also have outreach programming where professional artists deliver workshops in community settings/care environments and put on an annual exhibition of the art created. I am really, reallllly excited about this opportunity, which perfectly blends my visual art/art therapy/CNA/hospital work background with what I am learning right now. Plus, the office is in an amazing community arts centre that has the kind of natural lighting that makes an artist go weak in the knees. There’s also a random, giant, painted cow statue when you first walk in…which made me feel right at home. Hey, Iowa. Anyway, I will be tailoring my dissertation around the work I do for AiH and this will allow me to stay in Edinburgh and work for the art festivals in August, too! Woot, woot. Now I just need to find someplace affordable to live…ha…ha.

Three. Now that graduate placements are in full swing, I have been reaping the benefits of my classmates’ connections and access to comp tickets. This week Katie and I got killer seats for Dirty Dancing at the Edinburgh Playhouse. It was pretty awful (imagine lots of really bad visual effect screens and dancers who can’t act) so I’m glad we didn’t pay to go see it. But what the show lacked, the audience made up for in entertainment. SO many drunk middle-aged women who cheered and whistled whenever Johnny took his shirt off and literally got up out of their seats to dance during the final performance. And then I got to see The Scottish Chamber Orchestra at Queen’s Hall. A very different experience/audience spirit, but my first time at an orchestral performance. And it felt so foreign to just sit and listen to music. To watch music. With no distractions. It was a beautiful thing.

My hot date. And shout out to our Tanzanian waiter friend, Coleman, who gave us more wine than we payed for and didn’t run away scared when we saw him on the bridge later that night and I got so excited I nearly hugged him. You’re the man.

Four. If you’ve read to this point and/or follow me on social media, it probably appears like everything is beautifully amazing, falling together, and that I’m having the time of my life. Sometimes that is true and I want to pinch myself because I can hardly believe this is my life right now. But if I stop to think about everything that has happened since this time last year, I get this sensation of being in a tornado and I panic. Honestly, not a day goes by when I don’t feel sad and pissed off. Everyone around me tells me how well I’m handling everything, how they never have to worry about me, how balanced I am, etc. But for some reason, I hate hearing that. I find myself wishing I could easily slip into self-destruction mode and that I would do something really stupid because I honestly want to, I feel like it and I’m convinced that I have a reason/excuse/justification to. I play out all these scenarios in my mind and then I never do it. I can never bring myself to follow through with any of them. And yes, yes, I realize that being annoyed by the strength of your own conscience sounds pretty insane. So, I’ll just accept being a balanced-insane-person and bring it back to the point I wanted to make…which was that what gets shared is hearts and rainbows, because I cling to those life-giving moments to make the life-draining ones seem fewer and farther apart. But what pushes me to be better and feel better are the sweet people in my life who send me mail, take me to brunch, and join me in sporadic kitchen dancing (three things that are pretty much keys to my heart).

Can I have this for every meal?

Five. Since I haven’t had time for all the hiking I had dreamed I would be doing in Scotland, taking walks along the seaside has been my substitute. My head feels clearer when I’m near the water. The tide is so low right now that you can see ridiculously random items that have washed up on shore. Treasure hunt! Every few steps, I see something that makes me go…HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! Like, a hot water bottle with a pot leaf imprint or a pink ceramic frog. I also love how many textures there are on the beach and turning over rocks to find teeny tiny creatures. Six. I planned little summertime spiritual pilgrimage to the island of Iona, where the ecumenical Iona community has three residential centres. People from different backgrounds and parts of the world live and work together in community, putting on a variety of week-long programs and retreats centred around peacemaking, interfaith dialogue, social justice and the environment. Taking this trip is important to me because my faith has stretched and grown in new ways since I came here. I have been learning that there are there are ways God cannot grow you and there are things he cannot reveal to you unless you are, or willing to be, alone and in a place of isolation. I’ve been really challenging myself to face those places. To know my way around them. To consciously choose not to use crutches, but to keep walking even though things are broken and strained. To figure out what I’m afraid of. What I want. What I don’t want. To unclench my fists. To give up what is not mine to hold. And for me, there has been a level of honesty, a depth of relationship, and a drive to overcome my shit that I haven’t experienced until here and now. Seven. On top of work, placement, and classes…here’s what I need to accomplish in the coming weeks:

March 12: Fundraising/Sponsorship application pack

March 27: Group marketing plan and presentation

April 7: 2,500 word essay

April 9: 3,000 word essay

April 14: 3,000 word essay

April 17: 3,000 word essay

I might be off the grid for awhile.

Peace out, homies.

Love,

Taylor

P.S. This song:

Bits & Pieces

“You’re not,” he said.

“But I used to be,” I protested.

He looked at me intensely and unafraid saying, “Yeah, but you’re not. Not anymore. You’re not.”

I felt my chest tighten. Little waves rising in my eyes.

I stood up and walked out of sight. My chest heaved forward while the little waves began their descent, crashing into my cheekbones.

I have always been told what I am. 

Until this specific moment, no one has ever told me what I am not. What I can’t be.

Not anymore. I’m not.

..

There is a place that I find to be truly sacred.

This is the place I am most alone.

This is where pray. When I remember to pray, it is almost always here.

This is where I think about what is next or what just happened.

This is where I make the call.

This is where I scribble down what I want to remember.

This is where little pieces of my life lay strewn about.

This is where I have had deep conversations with distraught teenagers. And shallow conversations, too.

This is where I have been kissed goodbye.

This is where I sing.

This is where I try to practice silence.

This is where nearly everyone I love has sat next to me.

This is where I pack everything when I move.

This is where I stay to cry, or rant, or sleep when I don’t want to face the world yet.

This is where I roll down the windows and breathe deep.

This place takes me wherever I need to go.

..

One nice thing about enduring something sad is that it opens up the possibility to re-discover happiness.

When you’re sad, everything in you is saying, “Please! For the love of God. Let me find something happy. Anything. I’ll take anything.”

So you do. You seek out joy in every tiny thing.

You find yourself freaking out about how huge the moon is.

You laugh too hard at everyone’s jokes.

You experience genuine euphoria while adding toppings to your frozen yogurt.

You get overly excited about how kick ass your Excel spreadsheet is at work.

You fall in love with something about everyone.

You live for that first cup of coffee in the morning. Just the smell has you beaming.

You could cry about how adorable that baby is.

You become zealous about taking on any sort of project. All of the sudden you might want to learn how to play the ukelele or become an avid kite flyer.

The way the sun is shining or the wind is blowing could ignite sheer bliss in your soul.

When you’re craving happiness, you can find it everywhere.

Isn’t that great?

 

Love,

Taylor

 

 

 

 

Cheers to 2013

In 2013, I…

January

-Rang in the New Year with friends by gorging on chips, guacamole, and margaritas at Dos Rios and attempting to sing Auld Lang Syne very loudly

-Displayed my senior show at Grand View

February

-Clayton and I celebrated 6 years of being together by taking Cha-cha dancing lessons

-Emily and I dressed to the nines and attended the Des Moines Art Center’s Oscar Party, where we met a lot of interesting people

-My great-grandpa turned 90!

-I crashed the Filipino-American Association of Iowa’s Valentine’s Day celebration at Prairie Meadows

March

– My friend Sarah and I had a girls weekend and saw Sigur Ros in Minneapolis

-Clayton and I found out we were both accepted to graduate school in Scotland

April

-Clayton was the Easter Bunny for the third time at Gateway’s Eggs, Eggs, Everywhere Easter Egg Hunt. Always so much fun!

-I did a live painting at Gateway Church during the Easter Service

-I graduated from Grand View Summa Cum Laude. Booya.

May

-I started a summer of nannying for two very awesome kids. This included: berry picking, park hopping, swimming, crafts galore, science experiments, lemonade stands, tours of the art center/historical building/pella/science center/etc, movies, side walk chalking, milk boat racing, reading, etc.

-I volunteered putting on The Water Ride

-Went to a John Mark McMillan concert

 

June

– I experienced my first drag show

-Spent Father’s Day at an I-Cubs game

– I went to the farmer’s market a lot

-I visited my friend Andrew in Los Angeles where we went to art museums, a Dodger’s game, stand-up shows, and a Josh Groban concert. While in California, I also got to see the Kretzu family and eat burgers on the beach in front of an epic sunset.

-Clayton started his job as a Job Developer for Catholic Charities in the refugee department.

July

-I spent the 4th of July (turned 23) with my family in the Ozarks where we played games, ate too much, went boating, layed out, went down water slides, and hung out at a swim-up bar.

-Tried a go at Contra dancing

-Went to see The Lone Bellow and Brandi Carlile on the Riverfront

August

-I had the honor of being a groom’s girl for my friend Aaron. His wedding was one of the highlights of my summer, for sure.

-One weekend later Clayton and I both stood up in Colyn and Hilary’s wedding

– I saw T-SWIFT!!

 

September

– I was primarily unemployed this month so I did a lot of reading

– We moved into a new apartment

-We bought a used Prius and named it Miles

October

-Clayton and I celebrated 4 years of marriage

-We went to DC to visit graduate schools and stayed with our lovely friends, the Smiths. While in DC we went to a wine tasting, ate incredible ethnic foods, visited The Phillips Collection and walked to markets.

-Threw the 3rd annual 90’s Halloween party

-We briefly had a cat named Frieda. Tragically, Clayton is actually allergic. I can no longer live in denial. I miss her…even though we never really saw her because she was literally a-fraidy-cat.

November

-We spent Thanksgiving in Colorado with BOTH our families

-I went to my first NBA game

-Ugly Sweater Run

Decemeber

-Saw Peter Pan at the Des Moines Playhouse

-Had 7 family Christmases

-Spent lots of good quality time with friends back home for the holidays

Cheers, friends! I hope you all had lovely years. Here’s to 2014!

Love,

Taylor

Ask Yourself

The end of 2013 is just around the corner! Which means it is a great time to think back and ask yourself some questions about twenty-thirteen. I adored Emily’s New Year post . I may have to make my own. But I would encourage everyone to ask themselves the following 10 questions. It’ll do your soul some good.

 

1. When did I feel most alive this year?

During my selfish little escape to Los Angeles this summer. I’ve never traveled by myself for no good reason other than “because I want to”. And it ended up being exactly what I needed. I had QT time with friends, spent time alone, geeked out at art museums, soaked up the sun, explored, went to an epic concert, and then the second I landed back in Iowa I joined my family for a 4th of July week at the lake house. So. Good.

2. What am I most proud of accomplishing this year?

Graduating from college and getting accepted to graduate schools. Clayton and I are planning on going to Edinburgh in the fall of 2014! It’s been a dream just out of reach for so long. I hope it finally happens.

3. How can I improve my relationships?

It is hard to generalize this. I think of relationships on an individual basis. The ways I can improve my relationship with my sister are different than the ways I can improve my relationship with my neighbor. But I have always believed keys to happy, healthy relationships are presence, communication and thoughtfulness. As someone who has the tendency to be a bit too dependent on my relationships to feed me emotionally/mentally/spiritually, I think one way I can improve my relationships with others is by being more loving of and confident in myself…I realize that sounds backwards. Just trust me. It’s harder for me to be and easier for me to do.

4. What new habits do I want to cultivate?

Well, I start Farrell’s kickboxing in January. Emily and I are kicking sugar and I’m afraid to realize what affect hat will have on me haha. Clayton and I want to become super savers (in an effort to make the whole Scotland thing happen, but also because it’s a great idea in general. We’re definitely culprits of eating out too much (I always say this will change when I have a kitchen that isn’t the size of a peanut but that’s probably a lie).

5. What do I need to let go of?

Nagging doubts. Impulsive Target purchases. My art-making hiatus. Trying to do everything on my own.

6. What lessons did I learn?

Plenty of them, I’m sure. I had a lot of lessons in faith this year. I realized how at my core I really perceived God’s love as conditional. I think this comes with growing up in a rule/dogma/systematic-driven religion. I don’t say that with disdain. It just is what it is. I don’t believe anyone is trying to screw things up for other people. But I feel like a lot of church is people telling you what to know and not how to know. It was shocking to see how disconnected my head and heart could be. I knew that the world is very gray, but felt like there had to be a black and white answer. I knew that God loved me no matter what decisions I made in my life, but I felt like if I gave up on my broken relationship that He would love me a little less. I knew that I’m not big enough to ruin any plan of God’s, but I felt like I was messing with some sort of divine course. I was terrified of missing out on the healing and restoration that He promises, as if there is only one way that can or will happen. I felt intense guilt for something I hadn’t even done yet. I felt guilty for just entertaining the idea.  I had a friend tell me that I needed to stop seeing God as “either/or” and instead as “both/and”. Jesus was both fully human and fully divine. He never answered a question with “yes” or “no” and he never asked close-ended questions. The way he healed one person was completely different from another. This was really transformative for me. Someone can tell me I was wrong about this or that (sometimes that person is me), but at the end of the day God only knows. And I have to be ok with the mystery of Him, knowing that God and silence will be experienced simultaneously and even as the same thing.

“All saying must be balanced by unsaying, and knowing must be humbled by unknowing. Without this balance, religion invariably becomes arrogant, exclusionary, and even violent.”

“Praying takes away your anxiety about figuring it all out for yourself, or needing to be right about your formulations. At this point, God becomes more a verb than a noun, more a process than a conclusion, more an experience than a dogma, more a personal relationship than an idea. There is someone dancing with you and you aren’t afraid of making mistakes.”

“It is an amazing arrogance that allows Christians to so readily believe that their mental understanding of things is anywhere close to that of Jesus. Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, the Life.” I think the intended effect of that often misused line is this: If Jesus is the truth, then you probably aren’t.”

“God is everywhere and always. And He is scandalously found even in the failure of sin.”

“Honoring and allowing of mystery was consistently practiced by Jesus. So many of his sayings are so enigmatic and confusing…if he had been primarily concerned about perfect clarity from his side, and obvious understanding from our side, he surely didn’t do very well as a communicator, even in his lifetime. Protestants insisted on reading and studying scriptures, thank God, but then they were certain they had the one and only interpretation and ignored many of the others. This, even after Jesus so often (7 times in Matthew 13 alone) taught hat the ultimate reality (the Kingdom) is always like something- clearly a simile or a metaphor inviting further experience and journey, not an idea with definitions that could be checked true or false on an exam.”

Quotes from Richard Rohr’s book (mentioned below).

7. Am I passionate about my career or what I’m doing with my life?

I don’t necessarily have a “career” per se. I’m working towards one. But after the New Year I’ll be nanny once again for Miss Vivian and Miss Lola, who is pretty new to the world. I’m looking forward to spending my days with them. I love being around kids. They give me the chance to be creative. They invite me into their little worlds. They teach me. It’s really great.

8. How well did I take care of myself?

Pretty well, I think. It’s been a very self-reflective year.

9. What inspired me?

At the ChildVoice benefit auction I was inspired by how the organization is growing and the values they uphold. Their goodness and perseverance astound me. I am so lucky to have served them and I hope to do it again in the future.

The documentary Miss Representation inspired me to be cautious of the messages I am buying into as a woman.

These books really influenced my faith and inspired me to expand my mental horizons: The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See by Richard Rohr, The Benefit of Doubt by Gregory Boyd, and A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans.

The Enneagram! It’s a personality test, but more in depth. Is that really nerdy of me? I don’t care. It’s about self-development. It shows you your tendencies at every level from extremely unhealthy to healthy. It’s helped me to understand the lens through which I see things and to better understand the lens through which other types see things. You can take the classic test for free here and read an in depth description of your type(s) here.

And every year I am inspired by the people involved in the details of my every day life. They inspire me to reach my full potential and love me when I’m not there.

10. If I could sum up this year, what word would fit?

Rollercoaster.

Love,

Taylor