7 Things Sunday

One. I spent a week in Ireland and loved it. Irish people are just the best. Highlights include:

• Seeing The Book of Kells and library at Trinity College Dublin, which was something I had really enjoyed learning about in my art history courses and so, SO cool to see in person.
• Experiencing clay pigeon shooting. I was one, surprised that clay pigeons are not shaped like birds and two, even more surprised at how well I did at shooting them. Who could’ve seen that coming?! It must be all those games of N64 007.
• Soaking up some sunshine and seeing where the last scene from The Guard was filmed before getting 99s and listening to a very amusingly beginner saxophonist on the promenade. If any dude wants to serenade me with a saxophone that would very okay with me.
• Even though the weather was slightly disastrous, seeing the Cliffs of Moher was amazing!!
• Watching our classmate Derwin perform in his Irish dancing show. So talented with the feets, that one.
• Michael’s car tours of Galway and the surrounding towns. “This is the bad turn. Everyone knows what you mean when you say that you’re so many kilometres from the bad turn.”…”Oh, this is (enter name)’s house and you see there in the yard? That’s the grave he made for his dog.”
• Sailing with Katie and her parents and daring to jump in the coldest water I have ever been in.
• So.much.dancing
• Tom Barry’s, the most dreamy beer garden
• Playing some tunes on the Shandon Bells at St. Anne’s

A wee video montage: http://replayapp.com/v/FDQSmPvDB8/

Two. This might be the most positive song ever and I can’t stop listening to it:

Three. Yesterday I had one of those moments that kinds of defines you as a person. I just left the hair salon and got on the bus. I felt a very strange sensation and realised that there was a mentally handicapped man in the seat directly behind me…wait for it…chewing on my hair!! Yep. Just sucking away on the ends of my fresh locks. And I didn’t have the heart to ask him to stop. So, I just let it run its course and then sort of leaned forward in my seat so it was out of reach.

Four. I went to a Picasso and Lee Miller photography exhibition at The Portrait Gallery and was blown away by these best buds. There was a whole group of friends, really…painters, poets, photographers. They were so tight knit and supportive of each other’s work. They created resistance publications together during WWII and Miller was a war photo correspondent for Vogue. Picasso wasn’t allowed to exhibit any work during the war, but he created constantly, so there were pictures Miller took of all his new pieces when she finally got to see him on Victory Day. She took thousands of photos of Picasso during their friendship and her husband wrote his biography. It felt like a privilege to see how personal the photos were- documenting everything from holidays together, to having kids, new homes, changing relationships, visits at work, etc. It reminded me of Midnight in Paris (which everyone should watch). And it made me wonder if the famous contemporary artists of today have that sort of thing going for them.

Five. It has been a weekend of saying farewell to people who have made such an imprint on this sentimental soul of mine. And when you meet people who do that, you don’t want them to just become a tiny part of your life, you know? Like, oh it’s been years since I’ve seen so-and-so. We just went to grad school together for a year. Noooo! I hate the idea of not knowing the next time you’ll see a person. It’s a terrible thing. Honestly, I can’t get over how fortunate I am to have spent a year in such good company- friends from my course who I’ve been through the trenches with and could not have survived without, the Steampunk crew who make life feel so full and happy, friends from church who have loved and cared like the superstars they are, and great flatmates who made a new and unfamiliar place feel like home. I’ve held it together so far, but I have a feeling at that flight gate on Tuesday I will be a mess. I don’t want to leave. I want to come baaaack. But I don’t know if, how, or when that will be a possibility. I don’t know if I just take a risk and a big leap or if I wait for something to happen. I need a UK visa fairy to come tell me what I should do because my head spins when I read into it. Maybe I’ll just put up a kickstarter to fund my stay? 😉 BUT all of that said, I am also really, really excited to fly back to Iowa and be home with all my homies who I have missed immensely. Although, you won’t see much of me until after I submit my dissertation August 19th. Booooo.

Six. I’ve never had a caricature/portrait done before, but I spoke to a really sweet Polish artist when walking on the mile yesterday and she did mine. I don’t know how much it really looks like me, but it’s fun to have anyway. Support street artists!

Seven. Lawls

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. It was really fun to have the ‘rents in the ‘burgh this past week. If you are lucky enough to know them personally, then you know that one thing they do very well is dinner. It is never a quick thing. It is an event. This is something I have especially missed about them: the way they engage in sitting around the table, filling stomachs and emptying wine glasses, laughing and sharing good conversation for hours late into the night. I was definitely thankful to partake in a lot of that while they were visiting. I enjoyed being able to show them some of my frequents in the city and to have new adventures with them, too! My dad introduced Monty Python and the Holy Grail to Madison and I at a very young age and it has been quoted in our household for years. Therefore, its no surprise that I particularly loved the day trip we took to Doune Castle just outside of Stirling where most of Monty Python and the Holy Grail was filmed. The audio tour was equally historic and hilarious. Plus, it completely made my day that they had coconut halves available so you could gallop around and re-enact scenes. Two. I had two other visitors I wasn’t expecting to see in these parts. It had been yearssss since I hung out with these gents. It was great to bro out, booze it up, and reminisce about loads of amazingly awkward adolescent memories. If you had told me that the guy I went to prom with when I was 14 would be drinking a 1968 scotch with me in Scotland ten years later…(and that he would still be wearing a Postal Service t-shirt… ;)) Yes, this is a cocktail served in a light bulb… Three. Speaking of adolescence– this made me crazy nostalgic: Four. It was 70 degrees for three days in a row this week!! EXCITEMENT. You don’t understand how big of a deal that is. I was working two of the three days so I didn’t get to enjoy it to the fullest, but just one day of being in the sunshine and my summertime nose freckles are out and ready to party. Must…get…vitamin…D… Five. The dissertation writing is coming along very slowly. I’ve honestly never been a procrastinator. Until now. I think its a cumulation of things, but I’m mostly just feeling burnt out. Meh. If you have writing a MA thesis before and have any tips or advice, please feel free to share the love. I had originally been planning on doing a feasibility study for an organisation called Arts in Healthcare, but this fell through and left me scrambling to think of something else. I had a classmate who mentioned a project that the Scottish Chamber Orchestra was doing with dementia patients, which I found interesting. A few days later I was walking through the library and saw a book on the new stock shelf that caught my attention because the cover looked cool (I always judge books by their covers) and it ended up being about architectural design and dementia. The next day I was walking to class and the Alzheimer Association van was parked outside with an information table. At this point I’m thinking, Ok, ok…I can take a hint. I ended up chatting to the representative and finding out that two theatres in Edinburgh had received grants to make their venues dementia-friendly and that Edinburgh as a city itself had this whole policy strategy to become dementia-friendly. It felt like something was starting to click– especially when I thought back to how I used to be a CNA in a dementia care facility, I’ve worked in hospitals, I’ve done art therapy with elderly people, and my grandmother had recently been diagnosed with Alzhiemer’s. During my internship at the gallery in the Royal Botanic Gardens, I was discussing all of this with the curators and they told me that the man in charge of outreach for the gardens was heading up a dementia-friendly programming collaboration between all the national collections in Edinburgh (The Royal Botanic Gardens, The National Library, The National Galleries, The National Museum), so I went next door to talk about this with him and he connected me with more people to talk to. Cha-ching.

All of this has accumulated into me researching how arts organisations can be dementia-friendly, which more or less has to do with training, programming, and accessibility/environmental structure. Its been interesting to inquire about who/what informs the understanding of ‘dementia-friendly’ and how that is then manifested. I’m still in the middle of it all, but I’m continually fascinated by what I’m learning and inspired by what cultural organisations are doing to raise awareness and ensure that their venues and staff are safe, welcoming, and both confident and thoughtful in their communication. It really is so much about being thoughtful and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.

I attended the Dementia Awareness Conference in Glasgow a couple of weeks ago and the theme this year was ‘Global Progress, Local Impact’. It was amazing to hear from people in Japan, Germany, Norway, Ireland, and the UK about what is happening in response to this health issue. It was said that, “Dementia is the global health time bomb.” In the next 15 years the number of people living with the condition is expected to reach over 75 million and over 65% of those people will be living in developing countries. I loved hearing about what Join Dementia Research is doing to encourage people to participate in studies that create a discussion between the public and the researchers on an equal playing field. We need to understand what happens to the brain before someone is diagnosed, which means we need to be studying younger people right now and following them through the coming years. Secondary prevention is necessary for research and reducing risk of further decline or full blown development. We go for things like breast and cervical cancer screenings. We should do the same for brain health. And since such a large percentage of people affected are living in developing countries, we must focus efforts there on education, awareness, and diagnosis that doesn’t involve the use of MRI/PET scans which are likely unavailable.

I don’t know what my career trajectory will look like after I graduate. This could potentially be a big part of it, a tiny part of it, or no part of it. But I do know that I will continue to keep talking about it and doing what I can to support progress– we tackle stigma through social action. Six. Like many, many Americans, my sister loves country music and she’s very persistent in sending me songs. I admire her determination to convert me to fandom but you see, I do love country music. I just don’t love it in the sense that I want to listen to it. Ever. I love it because it is one of the most ridiculous things in existence. Just the other day, this showed up on my Spotify and I died. God bless ’em. Seven. I joined Twitter yesterday if you want to follow. I was really sad that @Tayrannosaurus @Taybaybay and @TweetsbyTay were already taken. I was just too late to the name game.  Love,

Taylor

PS: These are something to behold. Best thrift purchase I’ve made in a long time. #bibbabe #dungareehungry #overalldoll

7 Things Sunday

One. I’ve been doing my graduate placement at Inverleith House Gallery, which is a small contemporary art gallery located inside of The Royal Botanic Gardens (which as Spring approaches, I get continually more stoked about). I am currently conducting research into developing a patron funding scheme for the gallery, which has been a great experience so far and reminds me how small and networked the art world is. I find it really unique that this gallery is part of, yet still separate from the gardens. They often try to coordinate exhibitions that somehow relate to the nature around them, but I’ve had really interesting conversations with the staff around the struggle of being a house of contemporary visual art in the midst of botanical science, and the difficulty of communicating to visitors the correlation between the two. You’d be amazed at how irate people can be when they don’t “get” art.

Setting up for the Raoul De Keyser exhibition

Office bookshelves that I am obsessed with

Two. I’ve accepted a summer marketing and development internship with Art in Healthcare! AiH has a collection of 1400 contemporary artworks and use that collection to do site-specific commissions and rentals within the healthcare sector.  They also have outreach programming where professional artists deliver workshops in community settings/care environments and put on an annual exhibition of the art created. I am really, reallllly excited about this opportunity, which perfectly blends my visual art/art therapy/CNA/hospital work background with what I am learning right now. Plus, the office is in an amazing community arts centre that has the kind of natural lighting that makes an artist go weak in the knees. There’s also a random, giant, painted cow statue when you first walk in…which made me feel right at home. Hey, Iowa. Anyway, I will be tailoring my dissertation around the work I do for AiH and this will allow me to stay in Edinburgh and work for the art festivals in August, too! Woot, woot. Now I just need to find someplace affordable to live…ha…ha.

Three. Now that graduate placements are in full swing, I have been reaping the benefits of my classmates’ connections and access to comp tickets. This week Katie and I got killer seats for Dirty Dancing at the Edinburgh Playhouse. It was pretty awful (imagine lots of really bad visual effect screens and dancers who can’t act) so I’m glad we didn’t pay to go see it. But what the show lacked, the audience made up for in entertainment. SO many drunk middle-aged women who cheered and whistled whenever Johnny took his shirt off and literally got up out of their seats to dance during the final performance. And then I got to see The Scottish Chamber Orchestra at Queen’s Hall. A very different experience/audience spirit, but my first time at an orchestral performance. And it felt so foreign to just sit and listen to music. To watch music. With no distractions. It was a beautiful thing.

My hot date. And shout out to our Tanzanian waiter friend, Coleman, who gave us more wine than we payed for and didn’t run away scared when we saw him on the bridge later that night and I got so excited I nearly hugged him. You’re the man.

Four. If you’ve read to this point and/or follow me on social media, it probably appears like everything is beautifully amazing, falling together, and that I’m having the time of my life. Sometimes that is true and I want to pinch myself because I can hardly believe this is my life right now. But if I stop to think about everything that has happened since this time last year, I get this sensation of being in a tornado and I panic. Honestly, not a day goes by when I don’t feel sad and pissed off. Everyone around me tells me how well I’m handling everything, how they never have to worry about me, how balanced I am, etc. But for some reason, I hate hearing that. I find myself wishing I could easily slip into self-destruction mode and that I would do something really stupid because I honestly want to, I feel like it and I’m convinced that I have a reason/excuse/justification to. I play out all these scenarios in my mind and then I never do it. I can never bring myself to follow through with any of them. And yes, yes, I realize that being annoyed by the strength of your own conscience sounds pretty insane. So, I’ll just accept being a balanced-insane-person and bring it back to the point I wanted to make…which was that what gets shared is hearts and rainbows, because I cling to those life-giving moments to make the life-draining ones seem fewer and farther apart. But what pushes me to be better and feel better are the sweet people in my life who send me mail, take me to brunch, and join me in sporadic kitchen dancing (three things that are pretty much keys to my heart).

Can I have this for every meal?

Five. Since I haven’t had time for all the hiking I had dreamed I would be doing in Scotland, taking walks along the seaside has been my substitute. My head feels clearer when I’m near the water. The tide is so low right now that you can see ridiculously random items that have washed up on shore. Treasure hunt! Every few steps, I see something that makes me go…HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! Like, a hot water bottle with a pot leaf imprint or a pink ceramic frog. I also love how many textures there are on the beach and turning over rocks to find teeny tiny creatures. Six. I planned little summertime spiritual pilgrimage to the island of Iona, where the ecumenical Iona community has three residential centres. People from different backgrounds and parts of the world live and work together in community, putting on a variety of week-long programs and retreats centred around peacemaking, interfaith dialogue, social justice and the environment. Taking this trip is important to me because my faith has stretched and grown in new ways since I came here. I have been learning that there are there are ways God cannot grow you and there are things he cannot reveal to you unless you are, or willing to be, alone and in a place of isolation. I’ve been really challenging myself to face those places. To know my way around them. To consciously choose not to use crutches, but to keep walking even though things are broken and strained. To figure out what I’m afraid of. What I want. What I don’t want. To unclench my fists. To give up what is not mine to hold. And for me, there has been a level of honesty, a depth of relationship, and a drive to overcome my shit that I haven’t experienced until here and now. Seven. On top of work, placement, and classes…here’s what I need to accomplish in the coming weeks:

March 12: Fundraising/Sponsorship application pack

March 27: Group marketing plan and presentation

April 7: 2,500 word essay

April 9: 3,000 word essay

April 14: 3,000 word essay

April 17: 3,000 word essay

I might be off the grid for awhile.

Peace out, homies.

Love,

Taylor

P.S. This song:

Free at Last

I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!!

How I started out the semester:

 

How I finished the semester:

 

At this rate, I am projected to look something like this by the end of the course:

 

Here’s to a few weeks of freedom before round two!!

Bring on the drinks, podcasts, movies, textbooks, time to cook, adventures, and social life.

Love,
Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. I’m usually operating in a 70% fear, 30% confidence ratio when it comes to graduate school. I was not anticipating how research and theory-based everything was going to be, rather than practical. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the why part of that. When you have a room full of students with dance, theater, studio art and music backgrounds and then you ask them policy questions regarding various epistemological and ontological methodologies…(insert deer in the headlights look). I get it. We need to be able to think critically, but I’m over here all like, “Yo! Where are my paints?” Oh, a 52 is a passing grade (yes, that would be a D) and apparently we’re all to be quite pleased with ourselves if we get that mark because it means we met the requirements of the assignment. The chance of obtaining a level of distinction is slim…(insert deer in the headlights look). One of my classmates took a tally of how many times our lecturer used the word “fail” during our induction…45!! Our lecturer is getting his PhD at the moment and the restructuring of our course is a part of that. So basically, we are all guinea pigs. Ok, I need to stop or I’ll start hyperventilating. Send me good vibes, people. Whew.

Two. I saw a powerful photography exhibit in Summerhall last weekend. The photographer is 22-year-old Mahmoud “Ezz” al Zanoon, a man from Palestine that captures life in Gaza. Next to each photo he had displayed an entry from his journal, narrating the context of the photo. I thought this was a beautiful addition, as it only made the photo and the story behind it come to life more for me as a viewer. At the end of the exhibit there were two giant cards taped up on the wall where you could write a note to the children who were featured in most of the photos. Reading the things people wrote made me cry. As I left, I felt so uncomfortable. There was this paradox in the fact that those pictures brought the issue closer and at the same time painfully highlighted for me how removed I am. This is happening. RIGHT NOW. In my world. I can’t even begin to grasp what life for those who are in Gaza…or Syria, Iraq, Israel, etc. I don’t know that talking about it does anything other than make you feel less ignorant. But like what most people wrote on the cards…we are here. We’re watching, hoping, praying…with bursting hearts.

Three. My holiday season is booked!

Thanksgiving: a weekend in London with my friend Jacci, who is there for graduate school as well. Pellicans uniting across the globe! But for real, it will be lovely to have a little bit of home with me. I’m excited for THIS and THIS and obviously THIS.

Christmas: a week experiencing a proper Joyeux Noel with my friend Melissande and her family. Visit a few cities. Soak up every moment I get to spend with my French soulmate.

New Years: back in Edinburgh for the Hogmanay festivities.

Four. For your next dance party: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdzI-191xhU

Five. My flatmate Jess had a birthday this week, so I was making brownies in the kitchen and my other flatmate Arnie (from Taiwan) had never baked anything before. She got REALLY excited about helping me bake and once we got those brownies in the oven, she crouched in front of the oven to watch the dough rise. Are you kidding me with that?! So cute. Fast forward a day. We’re having Jess’ birthday party which required pulling out some S Club 7 and Spice Girls tunes. Arnie had NEVER heard of the Spice Girls. WHAT?! The next night, she came up to me and said, “Taylor. Today I google Spice Girls and I listen to all 9 songs! Yeah. SO good” and then she proceeded to do a version of the “Stop” music video dance. So, Arnie is basically my favorite person.

Six. If you are someone who wants to keep up with international news, but you find it daunting…sign up for theSkimm. They do all the reading for you, break it down into easy to read editorials (which are written with wit that will make you LOL on occasion) and deliver it daily to your inbox. It’s great.

Seven. 

I will be snuggling up with the library.

Love,
Taylor

 

Day Dreaming

There’s a little voice in the back of my head that tells me I won’t make it to graduate school this fall. It’s only a few months away and I’m doing everything in my power to make it happen. I realize if it doesn’t, the world won’t stop and my life won’t be over but it would feel like failure. I mean, the only thing standing in my way is having enough $$$$. What else is new? But I’ve been thinking about why I want to go. And I’ve been writing about my dreams. And regardless of whether I have a MA or not, I just hope the dream part works out. Even if just an aspect of it works out, I would be one happy girl because I recognize that most of the time our dreams change, evolve, and become extensions of other dreams. And that’s cool. 

In my years as a studio arts student, I came to some important realizations about myself. One was that even though I posses the qualities most people might associate with an artist; visionary, creative, intuitive, and passionate, I’m also very organized, detail oriented, and a planner. In school, even though I loved to paint and talk about my work, I was just as (if not more) interested in the work of my peers. I love to encourage creative pursuits and ask questions. I want to plan things that happen. I want to make spaces that house artistic ambitions. That is why I’m pursuing graduate school in a field that combines the arts and administration.

My dream/goal/ambition is to one day run a studio-ish space. In my head, I picture it in an under-resourced urban area, but why put limitations on dreams, right? As long as people are benefitting from it. I want it to provide opportunities and support for people who want to be creative- whatever that looks like for them. When I say “people”, I literally mean anyone and everyone. People with disabilities, grandmas, the homeless, refugees, toddlers, college students etc. I have seen the power art has to build and transform community. We live in a day and age where art programs continue to get cut from school budgets and the general population is always in front of screen. *Sigh* I want this dream space to promote creative outreaches within a community, fostering and celebrating what happens when we work together to make something that brings new life to a place. I want to encourage people of all backgrounds, cultures, ages, etc. to learn from each other, try something new, create and discover how therapeutic art can be. Ideally, I would love for every art medium usable to be available in some capacity. I want there to be a room where dancers can perform, a stage where poetry can be slammed and music can be played, and I want the coffee and tea pots to always be going. I want there to be big artists mentoring little artists. I want there to be a gallery and exhibitions. That might sound a tad overly-encompassing and lofty. Maybe one day, years from now, I’ll read this and shake my head at my naivety. By why crush it with self-doubt now? At the right time and with the right people, it could/will happen.

Holding my breath.

Love,

Taylor

 

 

 

7 Things Sunday

7 things I’m trying to do:

One. Save $$$ for graduate school. If all goes as planned (which almost never happens in my life…so, we’ll see) I’ll be starting a MA in Arts, Festival, and Cultural Management in Scotland THIS September. I’m enrolled, I’ve applied for scholarships, I was accepted for student housing…now I just need to apply for a visa in June and hope they’ll take me. But there are all kinds of deposits involved and a lot to pay for in general. Plus, it would be nice to travel elsewhere if I have the time or resources. Wish me luck as I depart on a summer of bare necessities. Don’t ask me to eat out, plan a vacation or go shopping, people. If you have any personal tips or tricks on living the frugal life, please do share!

Two. Read more. I’m a go, go, go person. I like to pack my schedule with people to see and things to do. But lately I’ve been a book fiend. I couldn’t put down ‘The Circle’ by Dave Eggers, which is a thrilling/disturbing novel about a woman who works for the biggest, most influential internet company in the world. As her role there becomes more public and the company grows and implements new ideas, it raises big questions about memory, history, privacy, democracy, and the limits of human knowledge. I also recently read two books by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘The Thing Around Your Neck’, which is a collection of short stories that explores the “ties that bind men and women, parents and children, Africa and the United States”. And ‘Americanah’ which is a novel about a Nigerian couple who leave each other and their country to live separate lives in the West, but then they return to a very different Nigeria 15 years later and rediscover their homeland and each other. I loved and would highly recommend all of them. 

Three. Laugh every day. What is the most hilarious thing you’ve read, heard, or watched lately? I’d love to know because life is rough right now, friends. I need laughs. They say it’s the best medicine.

Four. Tell myself the truth. I lie to myself a lot. I think things that aren’t true, so then I feel things that aren’t true. And the media lies to us all the time, too. So that doesn’t help. I have found that when I’m on a slippery emotional slope or over analyzing something, I just start repeating truths to myself over and over again. Sometimes in my head, but it’s most helpful to say it out loud when I’m alone. I try to do it before I go to bed, when my mind is most susceptible to tired nonsense and unable to shut off.

Five. Meditate. I don’t know how people do it. I think shutting my mind off is unattainable. But I’ve been meditating on these words a lot:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not foresake them.” Isaiah 42:16

Six. Feel all the feels. Grieving is awkward. No one wants to do it. There’s no time for it. Everything in life is in motion, even if your insides are stuck in quick sand. When someone dies there’s time set aside for closure. There are days off work. Probably not enough, but there’s at least something. People come to you to. They say things like, “Take whatever time you need.” They bring you meals because they know you’ll be too sad to cook or feed yourself. No one says that when your marriage dies, but it’s just as life-altering. I’ve choked back tears in meetings, at the gym, talking with friends, ordering food (the most awkward one), etc. Break-downs are not becoming. No one wants to see that, right? But I’m trying not to suppress the feelings anymore. I’m not going to be embarrassed of them or feel pressured to always keep it together. I know that if I don’t grieve, I won’t be able to let go and if I can’t let go, I won’t experience healing. I’m going to stop telling everyone I’m doing well when I’m really not. I’m free to feel everything in its entirety: the emptiness, the fear, the hurt, because I know that I will survive and that the feelings will eventually pass. I know every day I can turn a little more over to Him. I know healing is a choice and it requires release.

Seven. Set more goals. My job now requires me to sit down with kids and figure out what their goals are and then follow up with them. If I’m going to make other people do it, I should probably do it myself. So, that’s sort of what this list is.