So This is Happening

I’ve been one busy lady. Good busy. But busy nonetheless. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of mental breakdown some days, but soaring high on others. I’m finding it hard to muster the energy to do the things I want to do when I’m done doing the things I need to do. And trying to remember that I get to do it all.

But OK, so this is what’s happening…

+ I took a road trip to the mitten of the United States last weekend with my friend Kory. Between cafes, breweries, ice cream parlors, and bakeries…we just ate and drank our way through Grand Rapids with Miss Bailey. That city is dope. And so is Bailey. I also got to see my godparents- Dave and Maria and little James, the newest additon to their family. They spoiled Kory and I with an amazing dinner at Terra, a farm to table restaurant. I tried mussels for the first time and I didn’t hate it. After saying peace to GR, we ventured to Detroit to complete the mission of the entire trip: to see one of my favorite paintings in person. We perused the Belle Isle Conservatry, bought succulents at Eastern Market, and stumbled upon a Luge race downtown (which is possibly the most quiet and bizzare sporting event to see up close). A personal highlight was making our way through the midevial art section of DIA via Snapchat and creating these:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

Diego Rivera mural in the DIA

YAY for used bookstore steals

+ I had the opportunity to play papparazzi at the Alzheimer Association’s Conference last week. The Alzheimer’s Association in Des Moines has been a huge support in the project I am working on and they have asked me to be on a project committee that creates social engagement events for patients and their caregivers. I am so pumped to be a part of that!

You should sign up for The Walk to End ALZ 🙂

This is crazy.

+ My Fridays-Sundays are spent with the DMCW, serving up food and loving our neighbors. I am unendingly appreciative that I get to be a part of this community, which is about equal parts insanely beautiful and hella challenging. But being here keeps me grounded in my values and beliefs about how life is meant to be lived and shared. For every absence I observe, there is an abundance to be experienced. One thing the DMCW does is serve breakfast and give out Whole Foods donations on Saturday mornings at Trinity Church before serving lunch at the Dingman House at noon. If anyone is interested in volunteering or cooking a meal, hit me up!

My housemate Al and Justin…two of my favorite dudes.

+ I’m nannying for one more month. Still applying for jobs and becoming increasingly depressed and frustrated by everything. BUT I’m looking forward to being a bridesmaid for one of my dearest friends in June and to being in Edinburgh for a TBD amount of time this summer. Also, I’ve taken up kickboxing again which has been a sanity saver and makes me feel like a total badass.

Uppercut. Hold the follow through.

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. My sister was offered a big girl job with Laura Geller Cosmetics in Columbia, South Carolina. She’s trying very hard to convince me to move there with her. Hmmmm 😉 I’m sad that she’s leaving Colorado, but I’m proud of her and excited for this new adventure! Way to go, Madison.

Two. I wrote about the #KnowJustice project a couple months ago when I was working at ArtForceIowa. The Des Moines Register published this article, highlighting a little bit of what is happening with #KnowJustice and some other exciting arts events in Iowa that have to do with race and justice. I can’t wait to see what comes out of this workshop.

Three. This week my grandpa was in the hospital for a heart procedure that ended up not happening. They ended up needing to start him on a new medication that required monitoring him in hospital for several days. I spent a few of those days hanging out with family in his room and keeping grandma company over night. She kept telling grandpa, “I kind of love you a lot” and giving him kisses. And then at one point when he was getting an EKG he told the nurses he wanted grandma to come over and give him a kiss while they were scanning him so that he could see what it did to his heart. Seriously?! Stop. it. I can’t handle that kind of adorableness. #lifegoals.

They make my heart explode.

Four. I’ve now reached 6 months into my job search. If P.O.D can get nominated for a Grammy three times, I feel like I should be able to land a job in my field, you know? Sometimes life is cruel and unfair. But there are a few applications I’m feeling fairly optimistic about. Fingers crossed. Toes crossed. Everything crossed. Waiting is hard. Staying really proactive in the waiting is even harder. But I know that life happens between point A and point B. I will always be waiting for something, so I should learn to love what happens while I wait.

Five.  I think you have to be very close to someone in order to have the green light to go off on them when they’re being dumb. In my opinion, you have to approach these situations from a place of, “I could be wrong, but…” but still… I respect and appreciate the hard blow of redirection when it comes from a loving place. And it rarely comes. Most of my friends are listeners. They ask good questions. They’re comforting. But sometimes being a true friend isn’t just blindly agreeing, standing in solidarity, or waiting to see what happens. It’s coming alongside, telling them their eyes are closed, and shouting out what it is you see. The other night I was telling one of my best friends about something that happened recently, and they just went off on me and got upset. But I understood they weren’t upset at me or with me, but for me. And I needed that. I needed to have my motives challenged and my actions questioned so I could figure out how to either defend myself or realize I was wrong. I needed to hear the perspective that wasn’t “I understand,” but rather, “I don’t understand what you’re thinking or doing. This is insane and f-ed up and you need to ___ because I love you and I hate seeing ___.” I need to be better at this as a friend, too. It’s a delicate balance and a thin line because when are you being a good friend and when are you just being an ass? BUT, is it not completely worth figuring out how to do gracefully?

Six. This is awesome. And then Frieda told them about love…

Seven. I was in a yoga class this week where the instructor played this song during savasana and I legit shed a few tears. It’s like a musical security blanket. I will not apologize for kind of really loving The Fray.

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. All I want for Christmas is 3 kittens and a bag of festive socks…

Two. I love lists and this is a really good one:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/art-therapy-techniques_56562017e4b072e9d1c19f9b

Three. I would like to introduce you to my labor of love as of late: the #KnowJustice Project. Between writing grants, researching, and planning out the implementation… this has been on my mind constantly. I. am. so. stoked. for. this. I probably won’t be around to see it happen, which is tough on the ol’ heartstrings. But I digress…

First of all, did you know that Iowa ranks #1 in the nation for over-incarcerating minority men? A 2014 ACLU report found that they are 8 times more likely (compared to a national average of 3.7) to be imprisioned than Caucasians for the same drug posession charges. Right now it feels like a day rarely passes that we don’t hear about police brutality, a school shooting, or racial profiling. These layered, complex issues involve cycles and systems that seem overwhelmingly hopeless of change. 

#KnowJustice aims to show youth entrenched in our judicial system that hope for them as individuals is not lost. We believe their life experiences and voices matter. At ArtForceIowa, we don’t stand in judgement of what they’ve done, but in awe of their creative potential (I am blown away by the kids I work regularly). #KnowJustice will give them the tools and opportunity to learn about their personal rights, contemplate their own participation in the justice system, and to respond creatively through art. Using art to elevate the voices of minority, court-involved youth, this project engages the public in a discourse around system disproportionality and the social injustices these youth face. The project has three components:

1. ArtForceIowa youth who are out of detention will participate in a series of workshops instructed by a group of Drake law students from the Children’s Rights Clinic. In an effort to ensure that youth today comprehend their personal rights, discussions will center around how to handle interactions with law enforcement, what it means to have free speech, and what their rights are at school and in detention. They will be encouraged to think critically and respond artistically, creating work reflective of what they learned in relation to their own experiences.
2. Youth residing in detention will be collaborating with local artist activists to explore, analyze, and strengthen the connections between personal rights, social activism, and artistic practice. The result will be a participatory visual art installation that is designed and conceptualized around the personal narratives of youth facing significant adverse experiences and systematic disproportionality.
3. In a society where a lot of tension exists around minority youth and the justice system, it is the youth involved who largely remain voiceless. In the media, it is not their stories, feelings, and thoughts heard. The #KnowJustice exhibit at Polk County Heritage Gallery will display the art installation and other work created by the youth at ArtForceIowa and the Polk County Juvenile Detention Center, giving them a public platform to express and voice their experiences. The exhibition will run for 6 weeks, giving the public an opportunity to better understand the challenges faced by this underrepresented, marginalized demographic. Throughout the exhibition, other special events will take place such as a poetry slam and public roundtable. 

Four. My friend Jacci posted this hilarious article about a sub Reddit feed where ‘Former Emo Kids Have Been Posting What They Look Like Now That They’ve Grown Up’. I don’t have much evidence of me in that phase thanks to DELL desktop computer crashses and the decline of Myspace, but I did find one picture. I think this is Andrew and I at a high school wrestling match when we were 15. He’s rocking a double popped collar and tiger stripe highlights. I’m wearing a Mewithoutyou band tee. I remember that night we went to Smokey Row, played Candyland and Tetris, and took pictures that we later edited on Windows Paint. LOL. 

And here we are almost 11 years later. Somehow still best friends. And I’ll have you know that hours after this picture was taken, we freaked out over Spotify adding The Spill Canvas’ old albums to their repitoire (yes, I have periodically checked ever since I opened an account).

Five. Friday night I danced, drank and delighted in the festiveness of Peace Tree’s Annual Holiday Sweater Party with Jaxine, my parents, and the friends we made in there (my favorite being Matt, in his ‘Fleece Navidad’ outfit). My professor/academic advisor at Grand View was playing in his band, The Monday Mourners. So that was fun. Woot woot.

 

Six. This is kind of old news, but I love the app PHHHOTO. Go download it. It does stuff like this:

Seven. I just finished reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and it has got me all fired up about creativity. I think 2016 is going to be a year of big magic that I make for myself, if nothing else.

“Stop complaining. Every time you talk about how difficult and tiresome it is to be creative, your inspiration takes another step away from you, offended. I started telling myself that I enjoyed my work. I proclaimed that I enjoyed every single aspect of my creative endeavours- the agony and the ecstasy, the success and the failure, the joy and the embarrassment, the dry spells and the grind…It is not about how you write, or paint, or play… it is about why: because of delight. You must live your most creative life as a means of fighting back against the ruthless furnace of this world.”

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. Everybody, this is Evan. He is the most adorable wee Scottish lad I have ever met. I mentioned to his auntie that I missed hearing him come into the coffee shop saying, “Tay Tay!”…and then she sent me this. Be still my heart. Waaaahhhhhhh. I want to go back.

 

Two. This week was ArtForceIowa’s Holiday Hustle (I’m so good at naming things, you guys). The youths performed Christmas tunes, gave our visitors tours of the space, sold cards and shirts they designed and made, and exhibited paintings. Several sold their first paintings ever and were so proud! It was adorable. Cookies and hot chocolate were consumed. Snowmen were drawn. Holiday cheer all around.

When I got home my sweet, elderly housemate Norm asked me, “Do you feel like you can be yourself at work?” I love this guy. Who asks that? I laughed and said, “I do! It doesn’t feel like a typical workplace. I get to work with people I consider friends and everyone is very encouraging of being yourself.” And then my heart kind of exploded at the sound of my own words. ArtForce has been such a good family to come home to. I am one lucky lady.

Three. BUT my time at ArtForce is wrapping up. Well, at least my paid time. In January I will be very unemployed, which feels simultaneously like a world of possibility and world of unfortunate impossibilty. But perhaps there are friends out there sprinkled across the US of A who think “Hey, Taylor should come stay with me/us while she looks for a job in this new, exciting place.” Or perhaps not. But you never know unless you ask. So, if you’re such a friend, call me/beep me sometime. I can compensate for hopsitality with a variety of domestic and creative endeavors.

I’ve also been contemplating just working any job that will give me loads of overtime for the next 6 months and saving up to spend the summer back in Edinburgh where I can work the festival, travel, attend my MA graduation, and hang out with the people I miss so soooo much.

#dreamingandscheming

Four. I’m excited for this:

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/mike-birbiglia-man-show-winter-35560500

If you’ve never watched Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend on Netflix, I recommend it. At least until you get to the part about The Scrambler. Trust me.

Five. Yesterday I was enjoying a cup of coffee, like I do every morning. I’d probably drank half of it when I got this really bad side pain. I excused myself to the bathroom and suddenly felt my face burning. I caught myself in the mirror and BOOM. It looked (and felt) like I had suddenly developed severe sunburn all over my face. Then it spread. My neck, arms, and legs broke out into hives. The backs of my knees were swelling up. I was itchy and hot everywhere. My dad ran to the store for Benadryl. Bless him. And all was fine. But apparently we had started on a new bag of coffee that I had never had before.

So, please do not ever offer me Hills Bros. coffee. I am just thankful I didn’t randomly develop a caffeine or coffee allergy in general. That would make my life so sad and tired. But out of curiosity, does anyone know what could have caused this? I drink coffee…all kinds of coffee…alllll the time. I’ve never had this happen before.

Six. Awhile back my grandmother went through a break-up…so-to-speak. There was a man I called her “companion”. That was the most accurate description I could think of. Calling him her boyfriend felt weird. But they had been doing life together for as long as I can remember. When they stopped, I remember driving in the car with my grandma and she told me, “The other day I was sitting in Jester Park and I saw this deer. Just beautiful. We used to always go and watch the animals there together. I just wanted to pick up the phone and call him but I knew I shouldn’t do that. It’s just hard to change those habits.”

And as she said this, I felt something in my brain move. As if I could feel my own perspective widening. Here was this 70-something year old woman. My grandmother. She was describing her own feelings and life situation. And at the time, they were exactly the same as mine.We were going through the same thing. All of the sudden the 50 year age difference didn’t make any difference at all.

I have also found myself in pretty transparent conversations recently with middle aged women I adore. I feel like I have a lot of moms, which is great. They bring me a lot of joy. And honesty. They’ve opened up about grief, marriage, changes that happen with having adult children, hopes, faith, crises…the whole shebang.

And then when I stay at the Catholic Worker House, two of my house mates are guys in their 60s. And they’ve become dear friends who I admire deeply. Their life stories are already so incredible and they’re still living them. My boss is in his 30s and has an elderly lady friend that he regularly meets up with for oysters and champagne. He says they’ll sit and talk for hours every time. How fabulous is that!?

I don’t know…it’s all just got me thinking about how rare inter-generational living is in America compared to other places. It’s kind of a shame. You learn so much from people of all ages and you can develop wonderful friendships, too. Ones that give you wisdom and preparation for the roads ahead of you. All I know is that my life has felt much richer lately because I find myself spending quality time with people outside my own age range.

Seven. There’s a fascinating exhibition at the Des Moines Art Center. Go check it out and/or read about it here:

http://www.desmoinesartcenter.org/exhibitions/laurel-nakadate

Love,

Taylor

Responding

The amount of bad news is overwhelming. Is it okay to admit sometimes I’m a little disturbed that it is possible access the terrible, no good, very bad things happening in every country as they are happening? It’s too much. If you’re a doer or have a big, empathetic heart the scope of the world’s problems being at your fingertips is the wooooorst. Every day there is something horrible occurring as the result of large-scale, corrupt, systemic issues. Every day there is a justifiable reason to numb yourself, grow bitter and cynical, or become paralyzed and hopeless. I think this has probably always been the case… only now we live in a viral and far-reaching world of reporting that puts fear and hate on loudspeakers and then allows anyone who wants to comment to do so on a hundred different media platforms. It feels inescapable. It demands our undivided, or very divided, attention.

Although I have a guilt-inducing amount of things to be thankful for, this year I found it difficult to posture my heart in gratitude. Its all so heavy. There is always a new issue. Or an old issue with new steam. The list of things to be heart broken about grows and grows. Every time I read a headline that makes my stomach churn, I find myself sitting and wondering…

Okay, so what should my response be? What the hell am I supposed to do with this information? 

This is what seems certain: due to scope and copious amounts of complexities, most problems are not going to just end/go away/get solved. Injustices will continue to exist or increase, even. There will always be stomach-churning headlines.

I’ve obviously heard this in various contexts, but especially during college, I was consistently encouraged to “step back and look at the big picture”. As an artist, it was necessary to regularly back up and look at my work from across the room. From a distance I could see more easily what needed manipulated.

When it comes to the atrocities happening all over the globe, it is hard for me to believe that looking at or trying to do something about the big picture is helpful. I personally cannot elicit a response that changes something at a macro level and I struggle to see governments or other agencies implementing change effectively or compassionately. While I never want to disengage or isolate from the big picture, I cannot do anything from across the room.

You change the big picture on a detail level.

My response to the micro matters.

Colyn, my dear friend/air drumming extrodinare/part-time house mate/hero delivered an eloquent and thought-provoking message on Sunday that spoke to how we see this perfectly modeled in Christ. Christ never looked to a system, hierarchy, religion, or political party. He essentially was the big picture and the way he lived was one of small actions with big love. He took on a method and perspective of personalism. I am always stuck by how consistent Christ was in the action of tailoring his interactions. How as God, he worked on a detail level- ministering and calling individuals personally and intimately. This is the example he asked his followers to emulate. This free, creative, unrequited love is intented to lead us into solidarity with others. I believe the divine is experienced in community where we learn to empathize, bear one another’s burdens, and seek the best for the other.

What a different world we would live in if everyone actually sought what was best for…the refugee, the transgender, the drugged up, the prostitute, the delinquent, or the undocumented. If we cast aside our own presumptions and prerogatives. Perhaps this is the best way to fight against the ovewhelming amount of terrible, no good, very bad news. I would bet one of the main reasons this does not happen is because we read the papers, watch a bunch of news, and then feel entitled to speak about “them”. We’re convicing ourselves that we know and understand. That there’s nothing we can do about it except write about it on Facebook. But we must start from a place of admitting we do not know or understand anything.

If you want to talk about ____ I want to hear you say their names, show me their faces, tell me their stories, and what your relationship with them is like. As someone who wants a life of big love…if do not live this out myself, I miss the whole point. I think issues become impossible to generalize when we personalize and humanize them. I personally cannot stand see what is happening all over the world and respond by donating some clothes and dropping change in a styrofoam cup. There is a whole lot of pain and lonliness out there. Jesus’ response was to alleviate these sufferings through touching, tasting, and seeing. He invited everyone to the table to break bread. He showed that when we love and serve from a place of relationship, moving from unknowing to knowing, we see it all so very differently. We are convicted to seek the will of the other.

You will never understand or be satisfied with the big picture if you do not intimately study the detail work.

Love,

Taylor

 

 

7 Things Sunday

One. Halloween happened. I went to a party in a big, beautiful old house. Pumpkin carving, Harry Potter themed cocktails, a portrait drawing studio, dance floor, and lots of good food shared by friends in killer costumes. The entire cast of the game Clue was present. I literally found Mrs. Peacock in the dining room with the candle stick. Walter White left tiny packets of Blue Magic in some of the food bowls (I think it was rock candy, based on my lack of post-consumption high). I got to quote one of my favorite movies of all time with Hot Rod himself. And I managed to spend $0 on my strawberry costume. I love Halloween.

Two. This work week was CRAZY. In the best way.

• Jane Chu, Chairwoman for the National Endowment for the Arts came to visit ArtForce. She spoke to the participants in Lift Off (a workforce/design program in partnership with Children & Families of Iowa), asking them what they enjoyed the most about being there and YOU GUYS!! Their replies were so perfect and heart warming, you would have thought we scripted them.But they were just simple, honest, on the spot answers. “I enjoy growing with this community,” “I love getting to work with these other artists and hear feedback about my work so my designs get better,” etc. Then Jane and crew were instructed by the youth in screen printing their own tees. Jane is an awesome lady full of positivity and a seriously great southern accent. When she was describing the challenges and benefits of her life as a first generation Chinese American living with immigrant parents, she said that she lived a, “Bok Choy/Corn Dog life”. Lol.
• We received grants from four different organizations/companies in one week.
• We had a poetry night for Creative Pathways on Wednesday and the kids had the option of reading a poem out loud or writing their own and surprisingly, the majority of them wrote their own. And they were amazing!
• We received a mini-van from DART, which will help sooooo much with transporting to and from programs.
• There was a beautiful article by Micheal Morain in The Des Moines Register.
• There was a news spotlight on WHOTV.
• There was radio coverage from Chairman Chu on Iowa Public Radio.
• We did a sub finalist pitch for a grant on Friday and found out that we moved on to the final round! Some Lift Off youth screen printed statistics that were included in John Mark’s speech. They were rockstars. We celebrated with a good ol’ greasy spoon brunch at Waveland Cafe aaaaand the day ended with a staff meeting that included celebratory champagne in plastic cups.

I felt like a proud mama bear all week. And I am really, really thankful for everyone who believes in what ArtForce is doing- whether you previously or currently teach and mentor, serve on the board, sponsor, or participate in the programs. It’s growing because of all of you! Yaaaaaaaay.

Three. A few different people had mentioned this Headspace app to me and I finally downloaded it this week. It has 10 minute guided meditation sessions that you can use on-the-go or lounging at home. I fell asleep the first two times I used it…it’s that relaxing. I blame the use of a British guy for narrating. But the whole idea is that it helps you apply mindfulness to your daily activities, which is supposed to be effective in treating pesky things such as worry, stress, addiction, lack of focus, relationship problems, etc. I’d highly recommend it, especially if you’re an insanely busy person or you work in an environment that can be pretty draining on your headspace.

Four. At the moment, I am all about knitting, Gong Fu’s Scarlett Ginger tea, and reading from a real book (no more of this e-reader screen business).

Five. From the aforementioned book…

“The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness– even our wholeheartedness– actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including the falls.” – Brene Brown

Six. I miss being here so much it hurts.

Seven. I have a roof over my head. My grandparents are lending me their car to drive. I have a part time job that I genuinely like and it keeps me from going completely broke. I have the best friends and family I could ever ask for. I just spent the past year getting a Masters degree in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I have had a full life for only being 25. I have a great life. I know this. But I feel down and out. And when everything…all the changes, unsettledness, transition, heartache, anxiety…when it all catches up to me and I start bawling out of nowhere as I drive down 163… there’s this voice in my head that says,

You have no right or reason to feel this way. You know a lot of people who do have reasons to and you are NOT one of them. This is stupid. You’re being ridiculous. Stop it. 

So, I start judging myself for seeming so ungrateful.

Then I feel guilty for judging myself aaaaand feeling depressed in the first place.

All of which is super effective.

I am a huge advocate for writing down or telling yourself truths on a regular basis. Normally, I find this to be a really helpful way to not let thoughts and feelings derail you. But thoughts and feelings don’t always match circumstances. That is a thing that happens sometimes. It doesn’t mean that you are oblivious to the good that is happening in you and around you. It doesn’t mean you should use your energy to list all the reasons this is the wrong thing to feel. Being depressed or anxious is exhausting enough without having to work through a layer of judgement or guilt first. If you’re falling off the ledge, be kind to yourself. And patient. And supportive.

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

One. I’ve been doing my graduate placement at Inverleith House Gallery, which is a small contemporary art gallery located inside of The Royal Botanic Gardens (which as Spring approaches, I get continually more stoked about). I am currently conducting research into developing a patron funding scheme for the gallery, which has been a great experience so far and reminds me how small and networked the art world is. I find it really unique that this gallery is part of, yet still separate from the gardens. They often try to coordinate exhibitions that somehow relate to the nature around them, but I’ve had really interesting conversations with the staff around the struggle of being a house of contemporary visual art in the midst of botanical science, and the difficulty of communicating to visitors the correlation between the two. You’d be amazed at how irate people can be when they don’t “get” art.

Setting up for the Raoul De Keyser exhibition

Office bookshelves that I am obsessed with

Two. I’ve accepted a summer marketing and development internship with Art in Healthcare! AiH has a collection of 1400 contemporary artworks and use that collection to do site-specific commissions and rentals within the healthcare sector.  They also have outreach programming where professional artists deliver workshops in community settings/care environments and put on an annual exhibition of the art created. I am really, reallllly excited about this opportunity, which perfectly blends my visual art/art therapy/CNA/hospital work background with what I am learning right now. Plus, the office is in an amazing community arts centre that has the kind of natural lighting that makes an artist go weak in the knees. There’s also a random, giant, painted cow statue when you first walk in…which made me feel right at home. Hey, Iowa. Anyway, I will be tailoring my dissertation around the work I do for AiH and this will allow me to stay in Edinburgh and work for the art festivals in August, too! Woot, woot. Now I just need to find someplace affordable to live…ha…ha.

Three. Now that graduate placements are in full swing, I have been reaping the benefits of my classmates’ connections and access to comp tickets. This week Katie and I got killer seats for Dirty Dancing at the Edinburgh Playhouse. It was pretty awful (imagine lots of really bad visual effect screens and dancers who can’t act) so I’m glad we didn’t pay to go see it. But what the show lacked, the audience made up for in entertainment. SO many drunk middle-aged women who cheered and whistled whenever Johnny took his shirt off and literally got up out of their seats to dance during the final performance. And then I got to see The Scottish Chamber Orchestra at Queen’s Hall. A very different experience/audience spirit, but my first time at an orchestral performance. And it felt so foreign to just sit and listen to music. To watch music. With no distractions. It was a beautiful thing.

My hot date. And shout out to our Tanzanian waiter friend, Coleman, who gave us more wine than we payed for and didn’t run away scared when we saw him on the bridge later that night and I got so excited I nearly hugged him. You’re the man.

Four. If you’ve read to this point and/or follow me on social media, it probably appears like everything is beautifully amazing, falling together, and that I’m having the time of my life. Sometimes that is true and I want to pinch myself because I can hardly believe this is my life right now. But if I stop to think about everything that has happened since this time last year, I get this sensation of being in a tornado and I panic. Honestly, not a day goes by when I don’t feel sad and pissed off. Everyone around me tells me how well I’m handling everything, how they never have to worry about me, how balanced I am, etc. But for some reason, I hate hearing that. I find myself wishing I could easily slip into self-destruction mode and that I would do something really stupid because I honestly want to, I feel like it and I’m convinced that I have a reason/excuse/justification to. I play out all these scenarios in my mind and then I never do it. I can never bring myself to follow through with any of them. And yes, yes, I realize that being annoyed by the strength of your own conscience sounds pretty insane. So, I’ll just accept being a balanced-insane-person and bring it back to the point I wanted to make…which was that what gets shared is hearts and rainbows, because I cling to those life-giving moments to make the life-draining ones seem fewer and farther apart. But what pushes me to be better and feel better are the sweet people in my life who send me mail, take me to brunch, and join me in sporadic kitchen dancing (three things that are pretty much keys to my heart).

Can I have this for every meal?

Five. Since I haven’t had time for all the hiking I had dreamed I would be doing in Scotland, taking walks along the seaside has been my substitute. My head feels clearer when I’m near the water. The tide is so low right now that you can see ridiculously random items that have washed up on shore. Treasure hunt! Every few steps, I see something that makes me go…HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! Like, a hot water bottle with a pot leaf imprint or a pink ceramic frog. I also love how many textures there are on the beach and turning over rocks to find teeny tiny creatures. Six. I planned little summertime spiritual pilgrimage to the island of Iona, where the ecumenical Iona community has three residential centres. People from different backgrounds and parts of the world live and work together in community, putting on a variety of week-long programs and retreats centred around peacemaking, interfaith dialogue, social justice and the environment. Taking this trip is important to me because my faith has stretched and grown in new ways since I came here. I have been learning that there are there are ways God cannot grow you and there are things he cannot reveal to you unless you are, or willing to be, alone and in a place of isolation. I’ve been really challenging myself to face those places. To know my way around them. To consciously choose not to use crutches, but to keep walking even though things are broken and strained. To figure out what I’m afraid of. What I want. What I don’t want. To unclench my fists. To give up what is not mine to hold. And for me, there has been a level of honesty, a depth of relationship, and a drive to overcome my shit that I haven’t experienced until here and now. Seven. On top of work, placement, and classes…here’s what I need to accomplish in the coming weeks:

March 12: Fundraising/Sponsorship application pack

March 27: Group marketing plan and presentation

April 7: 2,500 word essay

April 9: 3,000 word essay

April 14: 3,000 word essay

April 17: 3,000 word essay

I might be off the grid for awhile.

Peace out, homies.

Love,

Taylor

P.S. This song:

7 Things Sunday

LONDON

One. Men of America…you really need to step up your suit game. The Brits are killin’ it.

Two.  Saturday morning at Camden Lock market was unreal. I have never seen both food and people from so many different places in my life. It just went on for forever. If my wallet and stomach didn’t have their limits, I would have been there all day. No questions asked.

Spanish Omelettes

 

‘Tis the season

 

We found poffertjes!!

Three. Nothing beats family, sweatpants and home cooking on Thanksgiving but if something were going to come close, this would definitely be it. Having Thanksgiving dinner at The Mayflower. It was the nearby landing steps to this pub that the Pilgrims set sail aboard The Mayflower Ship towards America. For dinner, the pub (their wifi password was Scurvy1620- ha!) served pumpkin soup, roasted turkey with sage stuffing, sweet potato mash and vegetables, topped off with pecan pie and ice cream. Needless to say, we left full and happy.

Four. I really like people watching and I do that thing where you kind of imagine everyone’s story in your head. Public transportation caters wonderfully to that interest. So, quite honestly, a highlight of the trip to London was just riding around on the tube. You never know what conversations you’ll have or hear. There’s drunk people, kissing people, crying people, sleeping people, etc. No one can hide. So much humanness cramped into a tiny cart. It’s a beautiful thing.

Five. For days I was debating whether or not to fork out the 30 quid to see Warner Bros. Harry Potter Studio. It was completely worth it. Literally everything you could want to see or learn about, you had access to. It was truly magical.

Six. We had a few art dates around the city but I’ll have to come back because there’s so much more to see (The HP Horst exhibition at The V&A, The Tate Modern and The Painted Hall at The Royal Naval College)!

Seven. London was wonderful, but I’m much more content with the pace of Edinburgh. It feels good to be back. Well, except for the fact that being back means I have roughly two weeks to research, study, and type 7,500-ish words…all that stuff.

TTFN.

Love,

Taylor

P.S. Thanks Jacci for being the bomb.

 

 

7 Things Sunday

Goodness. I haven’t done one of these since June.  Oh summer, how you tend to fill up fast and fly by far too quickly.

One. I celebrated my birthday on July 4th! I had breakfast at La Mie with some of my favorite ladies and spent the weekend in Minnesota preparing for the nuptials of my friends Sarah and Shaun. I could not get over what a drop dead gorgeous bride Sarah was. And she threw one heck of a dreamy wedding. I was incredibly honored to be a part of it and feel that I did my due diligence on the dance floor (surprise, surprise). At one point it was only a four year old and I out there literally running in circles to Katy Perry. Oh, and a shout out to Ashley, who cut my bridesmaid dress shorter at the reception so that I could run in those circles.

Little Vivian painted this for me. Isn’t it the cutest, ever?

Two. My job has kept me very busy. Sometimes I want to hyperventilate. John Mark and I stress-eat way too many fruit snacks. But look! So much to love. And I’m thrilled to say that we met our enrollment goal, which I thought would be impossible. Yeah! Teamwork! My last few weeks working will be filled with video production, street art, a back-to-school Literacy Launch, and our end of summer open house/ice cream social (mark your calendars: August 18 from 4-7)!

Three. My UK visa was approved and processed! So, I am OFFICIALLY going to Scotland for graduate school. I leave the first week of September and I will graduate next year in June. Let’s hang out and do fun summer adventure things before I fly away, okay?

Four. I’m obsessed with this quote because I have never read anything that describes so perfectly how I feel nearly all the time:

“My heart wants roots. My mind wants wings. I cannot bear their bickerings.” – E.Y. Harburg

Five. My sister passed flight attendant training school this weekend. She’s going to be the sweetest little stewardess the skies ever did see. So proud of you, Madison! Here’s to your great new adventures.

Six. I was so thankful to be able to enjoy a weekend in the Ozarks at my family’s “Playhouse” with wonderful people. Highlights included: Games of Quelf, King’s Cup, and Powerhour, jumping off the dock, s’mores dip, late night swims to take in the starry night sky, karaoke, a giant bowl of the best guacamole ever, hours of good conversation in the relaxation stations, a group twerk-off (don’t ask), afternoon naps, and celebrating Sterling’s 1st birthday!

Seven. Movies I saw recently and more or less loved:

Boyhood

Guardians of the Galaxy

Wish I Was Here

Begin Again

Love,

Taylor

7 Things Sunday

 

One. This week I cat sat while my mom was out of town. I wasn’t exactly a fan of waking up at 3:30 every morning to meowing for God knows what, but I did get to accomplish some things while having the place all to myself. Like this…

Two.  In case you all haven’t caught on to the fact that I love my job yet, I’ll just put in another shameless plug for ArtForceIowa and the privilege I have to work with the youths.

Here is the DSM Immigrant Hero video that the group I worked with made last week. Alejandro is a gem. We loved getting to hear about his job, heart, and vision:

Here are some of the t-shirt designs the kids have made through our screen-printing workshop. They are available to purchase here.

 

Here is a grid project we made in Art workshop on Thursday.

Three. I giggled about this sighting at the DSM Farmer’s Market for a long time. Come on, mom and dad! You’re supposed to catch these things. Hehehehe.

 

Four. While completing loan counseling for graduate school this week, I had a mild panic attack at how much student loan debt I will graduate with. It’s giving me second thoughts about the whole thing! I hate that everything comes down to the dollars in life. Fear & Logic Taylor is fighting with YOLO-Spirit Taylor and it’s a mess. I think YOLO-Spirit Taylor is winning, though.

Five.  I volunteered with a group of friends at the DSM Art Festival’s beer and wine tent Saturday afternoon. It was so much fun! Then we spontaneously had a tiny early celebration of my birthday, which I will sadly be gone for next week. We hot tubbed in a downpour, ate pizza and listened to live music, bought desserts at Gateway Market, danced to Katy Perry in Emily’s kitchen, and all crashed watching Moonrise Kingdom.

Six.  Friday night was book club with these beauties. We read Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (to which no one gave a score lower than 9/10. You won our hearts, Chimamanda. You won.). But for real, it was probably the best book I’ve read all year. I’ve read a couple of her books and she is a master story-teller. Americanah was extremely thought provoking, every topic it touches ripe with importance and incredible observation. The characters felt astonishingly real, wielding sentences that could pierce right through me. It is ballsy, exposing, and brilliant. Next on the list is An Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman.  

Seven. 

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

 

Love,

Taylor