There’s a little voice in the back of my head that tells me I won’t make it to graduate school this fall. It’s only a few months away and I’m doing everything in my power to make it happen. I realize if it doesn’t, the world won’t stop and my life won’t be over but it would feel like failure. I mean, the only thing standing in my way is having enough $$$$. What else is new? But I’ve been thinking about why I want to go. And I’ve been writing about my dreams. And regardless of whether I have a MA or not, I just hope the dream part works out. Even if just an aspect of it works out, I would be one happy girl because I recognize that most of the time our dreams change, evolve, and become extensions of other dreams. And that’s cool.
In my years as a studio arts student, I came to some important realizations about myself. One was that even though I posses the qualities most people might associate with an artist; visionary, creative, intuitive, and passionate, I’m also very organized, detail oriented, and a planner. In school, even though I loved to paint and talk about my work, I was just as (if not more) interested in the work of my peers. I love to encourage creative pursuits and ask questions. I want to plan things that happen. I want to make spaces that house artistic ambitions. That is why I’m pursuing graduate school in a field that combines the arts and administration.
My dream/goal/ambition is to one day run a studio-ish space. In my head, I picture it in an under-resourced urban area, but why put limitations on dreams, right? As long as people are benefitting from it. I want it to provide opportunities and support for people who want to be creative- whatever that looks like for them. When I say “people”, I literally mean anyone and everyone. People with disabilities, grandmas, the homeless, refugees, toddlers, college students etc. I have seen the power art has to build and transform community. We live in a day and age where art programs continue to get cut from school budgets and the general population is always in front of screen. *Sigh* I want this dream space to promote creative outreaches within a community, fostering and celebrating what happens when we work together to make something that brings new life to a place. I want to encourage people of all backgrounds, cultures, ages, etc. to learn from each other, try something new, create and discover how therapeutic art can be. Ideally, I would love for every art medium usable to be available in some capacity. I want there to be a room where dancers can perform, a stage where poetry can be slammed and music can be played, and I want the coffee and tea pots to always be going. I want there to be big artists mentoring little artists. I want there to be a gallery and exhibitions. That might sound a tad overly-encompassing and lofty. Maybe one day, years from now, I’ll read this and shake my head at my naivety. By why crush it with self-doubt now? At the right time and with the right people, it could/will happen.
Holding my breath.